That is only natural too. When I got separated from my ex about three to four years ago, I immediately wished I could have a man in my life again. I think I was a little more lonely and really missed having someone to share everything with. Yet, at that time too friends said, take your time and have your alone time before finding someone new. One said that all men come with baggage and they wanted me to be cautious before discovering I've found new baggage.
Take your time, women! I did take my time back then and didn't immediately jump into anything new. You figure that it takes all women time to get over any sort of break up. You've probably been hurt, and find yourself afraid to get hurt again. That's natural.
I maybe dated one or two guys that first year, and neither one was very long. One was romantic and the other was just a friend and we did a few things together with no romantic attachment. Friends.
Last August, I met someone and dated him for a whole year and we recently broke up last month. He hurt me in many ways.
Here's the thing. I like many of you other women am just not ready to find someone new that is going to be more suitable to my needs yet. And hey, that's okay! It takes time to heal, and I think we all owe it to ourselves to do that, to reflect on what the past relationship was, find our closure, our questions, our answers, our solutions, and then to decide where we want to go from there. It does take time as sometimes we don't get our answers right away as to why the relationship failed. But we do need to know why. Every man needs to be able to supply us with the answers to our unsolved questions.
Naturally to move on is what we want. For some women, all it takes is one or two days and we can just shrug off the whole relationship and for others it takes a little longer. I've heard for some women, it can take up to two years or more. There is no time limit on moving on. And I suppose there are also women who feel they are trapped forever and can't get past something. Especially if they were hurt really badly.
Like say, emotional, verbal or physical abuse. That takes a long time sometimes. Not on every level. Sometimes a woman can move on quickly from it, yet there still may be some issues that she didn't ever get closure from.
It's very important to get your closure, as it is a part of the healing process. Knowing all the facts is also a part of the closure. Women don't like to be left in the dark, as it is the detective in us to have the knowledge of the past and move on. It doesn't mean we forget. We don't forget but eventually we do forgive. Forgiveness is releasing and it truly sets us free.
That's why I've got a good friendship with my ex husband for me and my children. He's the father of my four children and I am thankful for that. Be a good role model for your children and be friends with their father. Don't pitt them against him. He's a good man really. Maybe you and him didn't get along but please set aside your differences for your kids.
So, now that you aren't with anyone for the moment, why would you feel the need that you want to jump right back in with someone? This could be true too for a man who has been hurt by the woman that he loved. Why should he jump right back in too? It's a universal feeling to be hurt, and also to feel that we want someone to love again.
We all really do deserve to find love again, and again and again. For some of us, we will find it the next time around and hopefully it is perfect (well, with a few flaws), but we naturally want the next one to be the one. We don't want to keep searching.
And we shouldn't really make a big effort to search. Sometimes the best one comes along when we are not even looking.
Why should you feel the need that you absolutely need a man to define yourself? Huh? You don't. Yes, it is nice, but you don't need one right away. Give yourself a break. I am. As I speak, it is coming into Halloween and right now I just want to enjoy my holidays and make my children my number one priority. And I'm focusing on my novels that I want to self publish next year, depending on where they are then. That's my needs right now.
I want to be able to get a good dent in these novels before I find a new man and suddenly don't perhaps have as much time to spend on them. I would like to find myself halfway or more through The Glorious Money Tree Trilogy. (At least book number one) and I want to make another good dent in Good Girls, Bad Girls. And I've got the book I want to write on my Mom. Memories of Mom, Stories and Family Recipes.
And then in the back of my mind I want to vent in yet a new novel about my recent jerk. A relative suggested I do this. But it's on the back of my plate for now. All I have is the title.
Five Women, One Man
And the man's name is going to be Larry Lipstick. Fits him! ha ha. I got laughing in my car on the way home, when I came up with his name.
And I've got the sequel to my first self published book, Black Roses, that's half way finished.
And I knit headbands, bracelets and scarves.
So looking at all this, technically I don't need a man until 2015! Ha ha. But it would be nice to find a new one much before that.
We don't usually want a really long break from a man, but a break is sometimes called for.
Take time to find yourself, do the things you like to do. Have some fun with your girlfriends and spend time with family.
A man will find you when you are good and ready.
We are women and it's natural that we want to find someone who is going to love us, say all the right things, give us flowers and chocolates and the whole nine yards, and above all we want someone that is going to be kind, honest and decent and just love us for who we are. And we will want to give back to him.
That's what a good relationship is. Compromise, love, laughter, being with each other and sharing a life and both believing that both parties should win.
But when we are ready, we want to find someone that is going to be good to us. We don't want to end up finding yet another jerk that is going to treat us like crap. Right?
It doesn't guarantee that it won't happen again, but it could. Sometimes women don't see the signs until we are in it again and it's too late. And when you do, you need to decide if it's what you want to stay in or do you want to get out? It's up to you.
And for the man, it's up to him too. If he feels that he isn't getting what he wants, he will walk out too.
So, take your time. Enjoy your life without a man for a while. You had a life without him once and you can do it again. It's the only way you are going to grow and change as the woman that you are.
And above all a woman absolutely deserves to get her needs met and so does the man. Across the board needs deserve to get met.
Jennifer Jo. Fay
Copyrighted October 14, 2012
My flower photo I took many years ago.
