Community Magazine

Boots and Hearts

By Specialneedmom2 @specialneedmom2

This is one of the first times that I can’t come up with a quick, snappy title for a post.  So I stole a line from Canadian band, the Tragically Hip.  And I’m not quite sure it’s right, but it’s all I have right now.  Funny, because I’ve planned what I want to write about for some time now.


Not Hubby and I (breathe sigh of relief) but so many other people we know.  Right now three different people in my circle of friends are currently separating. (Make that three couples, but I really only know one half of the couple.)

And I feel absolutely terrible for them.

Most of my friends who are divorced have kids.   I feel so badly for friends as they seek out new homes and try to schedule visits with their kids.  I cannot fathom their pain as parents or how their kids feel.

The commonly accepted stat for divorce is 50 percent of all marriages will end in divorce.  I think it might be higher.  It sure is in my circles.  It’s probably close to 80 percent of relationships among friends in my age group.

I just tried to count up all my friends who are/have been divorced.  I gave up counting, and instead started counting couples who stay together with kids.  So far I know three real life couples in my circle of friends that have not been divorced.  I might have included myself in that number.

I can’t really speak about divorce because I’ve never been there.  Sure, I’ve left some really bad relationships along the way, but nothing legally binding.

Why am I still with Hubby when so many other relationships fail?

I asked him that the other day.

We really don’t know.  I know we are not ‘better’ communicators, ‘more in love,’ or nicer people than the folks we know who are separating.

We don’t hold religious beliefs that forbid divorce.  We don’t hold personal beliefs against divorce either, and support all people in their path to make good decisions.

Of course we disagree/argue/get really ticked off at each other.  Everyone does.  But, we don’t hold grudges.  We are acutely aware that all we really have is our family and each other.

We tend to see the world the same way – and will always take the path less travelled (even if it doesn’t make much sense) because we want to see what else is around the corner.

We say please and thank you to each other.  We appreciate each other and the things we do to make our family work.

If I mop the floor or clean a bathroom, Hubby always notices and says what a great job I did.  If Hubby does 32 loads of laundry and injures his back in the process because it’s been piled up for 6 weeks, I thank my lucky stars above that he did it and not me.

Maybe that’s why we’re together – because the alternates, like being buried alive in dirty laundry, simply stink.

What is your advice on making a relationship work?

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