Sometimes I think that I should have stayed in New York for a while after business school. Or maybe I should have at least moved to San Francisco instead of returning to the peninsula—closer to work but definitely not the city. I have an image of what that could have been like.Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I hadn't met Jeff. Or if we had decided not to have kids. Or if we had bought a different house. Or if Moe was a typical kid and we could travel and go out as a family. Or if I were a different kind of parent. I have an image in my head of what that could have been like.
The thing is, I made all of those decisions—moving back to California, living in Silicon Valley, having kids—for good reasons. I wanted to be closer to my family. I didn't want the long commute. I always wanted kids. And as for Moe? He is who he is. I'd make the same decisions today.
Still, my life definitely does not look like what I thought it would look like by now. And sometimes I think that means I've made a mistake.
It seems we all spend a lot of time thinking about what we should be doing. Facebook and Pinterest are full of so many wonderful organizing-decorating-crafting-sewing-cooking-exercising-mindfulness-cleaning ideas that show me what my life is supposed to look like. But is that what I want my life to look like?
I look around at all the Silicon Valley wealth and I see people doing things they think they should be doing, and driving the cars they should be driving (it's a Tesla), and sending their kids to the schools they should be going to. They eat at the right restaurants and live in the right zip codes and throw the right parties. But is that what they really want to be doing? Is that what I want to be doing?
People who run companies do things they think they are supposed to because they are Silicon Vally companies and that is what those companies do. As if personal chefs and free meals and laundry service somehow legitimize your place in the Valley.
It can be tough when your life doesn't look like what you expected. But it is even tougher when you are trying to live up to some idea of what you think your life should be.
This post was inspired bythe novel The Idea of Him by Holly Peterson. Allie thought she had the perfect husband, until she finds him and another woman in a compromising position in their own apartment. Join From Left to Write on April we discuss The Idea of Him. Join us for a live chat with Holly on April 3. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.
