I was chatting with a newly engaged couple the other day when the young woman shared her fear of committing to marriage. Since her “intended” was also involved in the conversation, I wasn’t sure how much she would reveal as our talk continued. But, no doubt about it, this young woman was definitely stepping back from the marriage her partner wanted so badly.
She was concerned each of them was coming to the marriage from a much different place. Along with very different backgrounds, they also had varying needs and didn’t even share many of the same interests. The young woman worried their differences were weak indicators for a harmonious and happy future together. Growing up she had seen failed marriages and while she had no idea why these couples went their separate ways, she was afraid of repeating the story. She wanted a “forever marriage.”
After listening to her concerns, which he had heard recited many times before, her fiancé sat back and thought for a moment. He finally simply remarked, “Think of our relationship in terms of colors. Combining two blues will only make more blue. While that would be harmonious, it would not expand our horizons as a couple.”
He went on to say variations of blue and yellow would make vibrant shades of green, the color of life. Deepening the conversation, it became apparent that while the couple was certainly very different as individuals, each was accepting of the unique qualities the other had. Each celebrated the other’s strengths and interests, even though they might not necessarily be shared.
