Days ago the rumor mill started cranking on Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner after they emerged from family counseling smiling, talking, and looking at ease with one another. The gossip began to swirl around a possible reconciliation based on their body language.
As a marital therapist and body language expert, I can tell you there are other strong possible reasons for their recent behavior with one another—and they may have nothing to do with reconciling.
They were together for 10 years, long by Hollywood standards. They also have three children together, which gives their relationship some powerful motivation to communicate and remain amicable. This along with the hints they have offered that it had never been easy for them and especially for Jennifer, leads to another possible reason for their newly found goodwill towards one another.
They might make much better friends than intimate partners, for reasons none of us will ever know. What goes on between two married people is only known to them and their counselor, if they have one. When they attend counseling together following a split, the goal is often to move towards closure, reconciliation, and to find a way to be effective and involved co-parents. Based on my experience, I’m guessing this is at least some of what their sessions focus on.
When the split became public, with pictures of and rumors about Ben and the nanny, the tension around and between them was palatable. Who knows what the real story was, but it is safe to say it was a painful and difficult time for both of them. Now they are working on having a “good” divorce—and that could well be the reason for the positive body language that the cameras captured. They are talking through their hurts, trying to make amends, coming to new agreements about the kids and what is next, working towards forgiveness—and maybe, just maybe finding their way back to being friends, like they were at the beginning.
They no longer have to deal with the marital issues, and can now be two people coming together to be good parents to their children. There will be birthdays, holidays, extended family events—and yes, new partners that will need to be dealt with as they move forward. If both feel like they have one another’s back as parents and can work together for the sake of their kids, it can lead to new good feelings, interactions and can help rebuild trust and respect.
None of this means they will get back together as a couple. It’s always possible, but like many other couples, they may have discovered that they make good friends, but lousy partners. If both feel this way, the road to recovery is easier and the future looks a lot smoother for them as a family, living apart, but finding healthy and positive ways to connect.
