It’s hard to believe in something better. Life gets muddy, confusing, complex, nasty, harsh, and overwhelming over and over again. When I was an overlogical kid I understood one thing: that life is finite. I figured, there’s no way to know what happens after I die and once I’m old I’m going to be unable to do anything so I should enjoy my adventures while I’m young. I went on many exciting adventures and they brought me temporary happiness but that enjoyment could only reach a certain depth of my mind and it didn’t impact anyone elses mind. In a sophisticated way, these adventures were escapes from reality.
But as I dig deeper into my childhood understanding I think I realized that I didn’t know how to do any better. I engaged many different types of people but everyone I met was deluding themselves with some escape story or the other. No one was staring death in the eye with an understanding of how to accept it and overcome its suffering. Even the religious ideologies that acknowledged death tried gave explanations of how to avoid death by diluting the mind with thoughts of an afterlife. There was no way to beat it so we were all just trying to find the best escape route possible.
But then I was introduced to Vipassana. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was learning exactly how to stare death in the eye. I was practicing how to remain calm and observe every sensation even in the most dire of circumstances. As the strength of my equanimity grows I’m able to face deeper and darker truths. Once I face a deep truth, the power of fear that truth had over me dissolves. As I believe more strongly that I can these deep dark truths, I find less reason to run from them. As my belief grows stronger, I gain more focus. This focus is allowing me to walk in the right direction. This focus will allow me to see the truth. Time to meditate.
