BDSM recently came into the mainstream and gained a lot of attention. This being mainly in part to Fifty Shades of Grey, a book and movie trilogy with an S&M relationship at its center. BDSM stands for bondage and domination, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. For those that aren't familiar with any of those terms, it involves (but not limited to) being whipped, tied up, chains, blindfolds, flogging and all sorts of sex toys and gadgets that the majority of us would probably have no idea what they do. It certainly isn't for everyone but for those who participate it can be very enjoyable. However it's important to also stay safe and agree on safety rules to avoid a bad experience or injury.
1) Saying No is okay - Saying no or hearing no from a BDSM partner does not mean your a gas person. It just means they don't want to do what you are asking them right now. No one should be made to do anything they don't feel comfortable with. No means No regardless of the situation.
2) Set limits - If you have watched Fifty shades then you may remember the part from the first movie where they both sat down in a sort of meeting and agreed on what they would or wouldn't do. I also think they signed some sort of contract but may be wrong. However a contract is not really needed; but limits are. I'm our normal every day lives we set limits of what we are prepared to do and what we won't do. Well BDSM is no different. There are hard limits and soft limits in BDSM. Soft limits are things that aren't set in stone, perhaps something that you or your partner aren't sure about just yet and may try in time but not just yet. Hard limits however are things that one of you will not do and there is no negotiating. It's important that all participants know the limits beforehand.
3) Trust your partner - This is vital that you put your trust in the person your with. Remember this involves being tied up, gagged and blindfolded so it's important you trust them fully. More experienced participants in the BDSM who don't have a regular partner may opt to find new partners on line such as BDSM Hookups but it's still important that they trust the person before agreeing to anything.
4) Safe words - In the movie her word was red. Safe words often involve the traffic light system of red, yellow and green. Safe words get said to let a partner know when to stop or when all is fine or needs to change.
5) Physical safety - Being gagged, flogged and tied up all come with dangers of being physically hurt. Cuts, bruising, broken bones and even suffocation. It's vital to know exactly what you are getting into and practice safety.
6) Safe & Sane - Staying Safe means the play scenario should be safe for all parties. Health risks need to be discussed and any toys or tools used should also be safe and purchased only from reputable companies. Staying Sane means knowing the difference between fantasy and reality, seeing the BDSM encounters as just that and not letting it flow into everyday normal life. In other words what happens in the BDSM room, stays in the BDSM room.
7) Consent - This is probably the most important tip. Both parties need to be of sane mind and not under the influence of drugs or drink when agreeing to an encounter. Also no one should be made to feel bad or ashamed if they don't feel comfortable and want to stop.
BDSM can be an overall fun experience as long as you stay safe and are with the right partner. There are many people willing to engage out there whether a newbie or a pro. It can be a difficult subject to bring up in our everyday lives for those who are curious about trying it. However with the world of online dating this needn't be a problem. Yes even bdsm dating is now accessible online too.
