Dear Diary: Aauuugh! Just when I thought I was out of the woods with my paranoia and the damned moose that follows me where ever I go, comes a cruel blow from a leading poll. Yougov declares that an overwhelming number of Americans think that Pootin did a better job of sortin' out Syrian than I-- known in the Muslim world as al-Obama --did. I charged my iPresidentophone 5S over breakfast this morning ready for a busy day. As I swallowed the last of my Froot Loops and two eggs over-easy with wholewheat toast, the phone blared the Moscow Men's Choir rendition of Keep the Red Flag Flying. I slid my finger over the screen. " Hello," I said. " Obamavitch! Bwaaah-ha-ha! I see that I am outscoring you in your own nation's opinion polls. Did I not send you Diplomacy for Dummies a few weeks ago? And did I not I tell you to watch Me, Vladimir the Inhaler, and learn. But noooo-o-o ...you were too grand for that and wanted to play with your cruise missiles, Obamavitch." He knows how much that nickname grates on my ears. "Vlad, For God's Sake stop with that name!" I yelled down the phone. " I am the leader of the Free World!""Yeah, yeah, Obamavitch, but you couldn't even get President Rouhani of Iran to do a grin and grasp with you at the UN. You know what he told me yesterday? That you, al-Obama are a wuss. Have a nice day..."
"Hello? Hello? Vlad? He had disconnected. Bastard.
