Dear Diary: Valerie Jarrett has given me permission to say in my State of the Union address tonight that Americans are "hungry" for me to take unilateral action, bypassing Congress wherever I can to get things done. This is plain commonsense, of course. The brightest among us always knows what's best for all of us. And I am the sharpest knife in the drawer. I am all about action, so if Congress stands in my way, I will take action on my own, bypassing Congress, as I see fit.
I had a generous bowl of Count Chocula this morning to fire me up for the day. It acted quickly. As I was taking the last of the delicious vampire nuggets, Putin called. The strains of the Moscow Steel Foundry Male-voice Choir alerted me, as usual. I fingered the screen of my iPresidentophone and raised it to my ear. "Obamavich? Vladimir here...."
"Piss off, Putin", I said and disconnected. It felt glorious to defy him just as I will defy the GOP tonight.
