Dear Diary: I met the Pope today. I like to keep such meetings informal. "Hi, Frankie," I said, "Wassup bro?" He silently ushered me into a little structure with a grill separating two compartments. I sat in one compartment, he in the other. "My child," he said solemnly, you have sinned grievously against the Church and you must confess your sins to me, to obtain absolution. "What sins, father?" I asked him, puzzled. "They are too numerous to list, my son. You must search your own conscience for answers. But you could start with forcing faithful Catholics to pay for birth control for their employees."
"Holy Father, do I have to perform some sort of penance?" I asked. "No, my child," said the Pope, "Having to work with Joseph Biden and Nancy Pelosi is penance enough for any man. Just don't oppose the Church any longer. Go forth, my child and sin no more." But enough about me.
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