One thing I really like about my role as President is the opportunity to bestow the riches of my vast knowledge on other leaders. And so it was during my meeting with President Jonathan Goodluck of Nigeria this morning. "Good Morning, President Goodluck," I said. "First of all, may I express my sincere condolences to you from the American people over the mall shootings. I suggest you require compulsory background checks for all those who want to buy guns and also ban on assault weapons." A momentary look of displeasure flashed across the President Goodluck's face. He replied: "First of all, I am President Goodluck Jonathan, not Jonathan Goodluck. Second of all, the mall shooting is in Kenya not Nigeria. Thirdly, any guns we have in Nigeria belong either to the mass murderers of Christians, Boko Haram, or our own Ummed Fosses."
"Ummed Fosses?" I queried. "Yes Ummed Fosses", he repeated. "Fosses that are ummed with weapons."
" Oh, you mean armed forces." I said.
"Yes," said President Jonathan. "Ummed Fosses.... Bozo"
