Dear Diary: I met with native leaders Wednesday morning and showed once again how brilliant I am at blending in with other cultures: "Me Big Chief Obama, me bring you Affordable Care Act... If you like your witchdoctor, you can keep your witchdoctor." Much to my surprise, they let out a bloodcurdling howl and began dancing around me, ululating, chanting and waving their tomahawks. One snarled at me: "Obama speak with forked tongue, you make us pay too much wampum," and he made as if to slit my throat.
I said: "I gotta go teepee" and vanished into the men's room where my male Secret Service detail took up position each side of me at the urinals. But enough about me.
