Dear Diary: My day began with the expected arrogant call from Vlad Putin. "Watch it, Vlad" I said. Knowing that he would call me, I had prepared advance notes so I would sound fluent and firm: "We are stepping up sanctions in response to your militarism in Ukraine and the murder of scores of innocents blown out of the shy by your missiles. "You are a wicked man,Vladimir Putin. A very wicked man, who history will not remember kindly, unlike me, Barack Obama, who the world already sees in a golden glow and everybody from kings to peasants calls hero."
Putin was breathing heavily and I could hear the entreaties of his mistress in the background. " Come to me Vladdy my dollink and leave that American moron to his cereal and milk". But enough about me.
