Dear Diary: Auuugh! I get no respect for my awesomeness over here. Everyone is black so no-one thinks I'm special. I made a perfectly sensible speech about gay rights yesterday, saying that all of Africa should treat gays equally. President Macky immediately said they would allow nothing of the kind in Senegal and jail was the proper place for 'homosexuals'. I asked him: "How do you win office without the gay vote?
He said: " We don't have 'em and I don't need 'em. Vlad Putin phoned me yesterday and told me that, if you get out of line, I should publicly refer to you as 'Bath-house Barry.' OK, "Bath-house Barry?"
The impudence! . Tonight's State dinner is goin' to be awkwaard. I guess it will be a bowl of boiled goat and cassava accompanied by small talk with people who only speak Senegalese or French. Nobody knows the troubles I seen. But enough about me.
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