Barack Obama's Diary: Filthy Practices

Dear Diary:As an act of defiance against Putin the Macho Man, I have changed his ring-tone to Tchaikovsky's Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. And so it came to pass this morning that, as I was spooning down my Lucky Charms, that the bell-like sound of a glockenspiel burst forth from my specially-engraved, custom-made iPresidentophone. "Good morning Vlad," I said [for it was he] How are you coping with our team of LGBT athletes? "
"No problem for us, Obamavich" said Vlad. "None of the Sochi hotel rooms have operational locks--for a good reason: "If your poofs and dykes are caught redhanded at their filthy practices, we will launch them down the ski-jump slope, with no clothes and no skis. This will provide the proletariat with  considerable free  hilarity in return for  the billions spent on the Sochi games."