Barack Obama's Diary: Diplomacy Unzipped

Dear Diary: It's been a busy day  doing damage control after someone leaked a recording of Victoria Nuland on the phone with our ambassador in Ukraine.  Using  our accustomed  White House diplomatic speak, the Ambassador asked "What about the EU?"  and Nuland replied: "F*ck the EU."   I entirely agree but this has not gone down well with Angular Merkel or the French PM (I forget his name, but I mean the guy named Francois who can't keep it zipped up.) I first got wind of this when I was eating my breakfast cereal and my iPresidentophone  burst forth with a rendition of Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, which I am now using as President Pootin's ringtone.  "Obamavich!" He crowed and I immediately braced myself for some unpleasant  tidings. "Obamavich, if you thought you had exhausted your capacity to annoy German Prime Minister Merkel. You got it badly wrong. She is super-pissed off at a hacked conversation between your European deputy secretary of State Victoria Nuland  and your Ukraine ambassador in which Nuland used the F-word more than few times regarding the EU. This recording is purported  to have been attached to a  Kremlin  tweet.   "What a silly accusation, Obamavich...why would we do such a thing?  " Why, indeed!" said I, and hung up while I was in mid-reply -- a trick taught me by other community organizers about how to end a time-wasting call quickly. Disconnnect while you are talking, the other party  never dreams you've hung up on yourself.  But enough about me.