Barack Obama's Diary: Choom... My Cunning Plan Comes Together

Dear Diary: Mirabile dictu!  Wondrous news! The good folks of DC have opted to legalize pot and dealers are already hovering around schools marketing  baggies of the seductive substance. My supplies in the secret compartment of the Resolute Desk are perilously low and I need a cunning plan to replenish them. I tried using a drone  a couple days ago, but it crashed on a White House lawn. I could ask a loyal aide like Marv Nicholson to drive me in his car, and while the Secret Service are sleeping off their usual nefarious activities, I will don a fake Islamist beard, leap from Marv's car,  seize a dealer's baggies, leave him a couple hundred bucks and order Marv to put the pedal to the metal of his Civic and high-tail it back to the White House before my minders even notice I've been missing. Brilliant!