Dear Diary: Whaaah! Everybody is bein' mean to Me. I try bein' nice to President Rouhani of Iran and I'm called naive. I know from vast experience as a kid in Indonesia that you can stop people being nasty by bein' nice to them: a few poodle kebabs usually did the trick there. President Rouhani says Iran is not developin' nuclear weapons. Who am I to disbelieve him? I prefer givin' him the benefit of any doubt.Next comes the problem of Samuel L. Jackson, who is sayin' that i should stop droppin' Gs at the end of words in order to try soundin' like I relate to Joe Six Pack. How dare he disparage My almost limitless education. 'Be presidential', he admonishes Me." I am, Sam. I really am. But enough about Me.
