Barack Obama's Diary: A Conscious Uncoupling

Dear Diary: I had a delightfully familiar day today, just like the days before the unfortunate Ukraine affair\. My breakfast Froot Loops were interrupted by the Red Army's rendition of Song of The Volga Boatmen bursting from  my specially-made  and engraved iPresidentophone [a gift from Steve Jobs.] "Good mornin' Vlad," I said, for it was he. "Have you pulled your troops back from the Ukraine border yet?"  [I  had decided earlier that I might try the phrase that Gwyneth Paltrow had used in announcing the end of her relationship with her boyfriend du jour: " Conscious un-coupling" --as a diplomatic  device to confuse the  wily Siberian fox who is doubtless holed up  in his dacha outside Moscow with his Shakespearian thespian.
"Vlad," I declared firmly . "If your troops are not five miles away from the Ukraine border by the end of today, the USA will consciously uncouple from Russia... I mean consciously couple from Russia. I mean conscientiously...oh, forget it." But enough about me.