Barack Obama's Christmas Diary

Dear Diary: This has already been an amazing Christmas Day here in Honolulu. Malia and Sasha  joined forces to give me the perfect gift, a leather-encased mirror inscribed " if ever in doubt about who is the smartest guy on the planet, open this and gaze upon the reflection."  Among the gifts lined up for me was a mysterious envelope. Inside was a card  that said "Hello handsome. Let's get together for a State visit: your place or mine." It was from none other than Helle Thorning-Schmidt,  the  comely Prime Minister of Denmark. I quickly slipped the card and selfie into the pocket of my bathrobe, lest Michelle see it and sentence Me to another week in purgatory. But enough about me.