A friend leaned over the table at Starbucks yesterday morning, and confided, “You really don’t want to know what goes on in this space above my shoulders…”
He is the Chief Executive of his organization, and we were talking about the psychotic warped thinking that can unravel in the mind of an otherwise confident leader under duress of stress and confrontation.
He was joking of course, but not really.
The two of us who had joined him for some pre-commuter banter and strong coffee both rolled our eyes in instant recognition.
I don’t care how it looks from the outside, even the most high-powered rollers are plagued from time to time with insecurity, doubts and the dreaded Imposter Syndrome, which says, “OMG! What were they thinking when they put me in this position of authority!? What have I gotten myself into?! I’m going to fail! Fail, I tell you! Fail!”
As for me, I am also subject to the tyranny of an inflated ego and the insecurity of being defined by what I produce. However, as a (somewhat) spiritually intentional leader, I am gradually learning to manage the beast by constantly reminding myself about the greater purpose of my work. Which is to say, it’s not about me.
It’s about everyone else. Giving, encouraging, building up, creating, helping.
This enlightment is not a one-time revelation that appears with a bolt of lightning, or from reading the latest work-faith book that somehow has almost the exact same unimaginative title as every other work-faith book that has ever been written. I must keep reminding myself over and over and over again.
To deal with the constant rash of self-centered and negative mind-chatter, I have taken to saying tiny micro-prayers at various points throughout the day: prior to walking into a difficult meeting; in the midst of same meeting; before presenting a Big Idea to the Big Cheese; while staring blankly into my computer; or just about any time when I suspect there might be head-butting and ego-clashing walking down the hall.
The idea is to detach, to unlatch my ego-driven agenda from the situation, to make it about the possibilities of God’s presence and opportunities for the spirit to shine rather than about me getting my way.
So today, I found myself spontaneously saying a segment from the Lord’s prayer before entering a meeting: “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is heaven.” Then, without thinking, I immediately switched up the second part to “…at work as it is in heaven.” Because I was at work, and at the moment, that was exactly where God’s will was hopefully getting done. It was my place on earth, and I was bringing His kingdom to that meeting.
I told Susan DiMickele yesterday that after years of struggling, I think I am finally getting the idea that my work is God’s work. I no longer think it strange that my corporate management position is anything but bringing His kingdom to work, as it is in heaven. Just like he taught us.
