The kind of day that I knew had to happen someday, but deep down, a part of me was just hoping it might come later.
The kind of day when I woke up with mixed feelings and one moment I was feeling all enthusiastic and proud, the next moment I became forlorn and lost.
It was Angel's FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.
Perhaps it might seem like a small deal to some parents out there. But to someone as emotional and sentimental as me, it was a big step forward. I mean, think about it, I had gotten pregnant, given birth and raised my kid in a foreign land. All by m-y-s-e-l-f. It's something you might never understand unless you experienced it.
I can't even describe to you the bond I feel with my girl. She was the one who kept me company on lonely nights, who gave me warmth during the cold winter, who made me realize that from the day she entered my life, I would always have someone to love and to hold.
We have been together 24/7 for the past three years. Yes, I do mean 24/7. Good or bad thing, healthy or unhealthy, that's how it has been and that's how we love it to be.
I always knew life in Singapore will no longer be the same. One of it includes her starting school. We were lucky to secure a place for her in a preschool right next block and so lo and behold, last week she has actually started going for half day school in the mornings!
Does she look good in her uniform? Yes, absolutely ravishing. In my eyes.
What does she bring to school? A Dora backpack and a Disney Princess water bottle.
Is she happy to go to school? Yes and no, she likes to dress up and then exclaim "I'm going to school!" but gets a little apprehensive when we arrive at the gates.
Did she insist that mommy stayed with her? Only for the first day. From second day onwards, she agreed to stay on by herself.
Has she been a good girl in school? Other than refusing to bathe, she's doing great.
Does she throw tantrums? Erm, which kid doesn't?
Was I a proud mom to send her to school on her first day? Of course!
Did I miss her? You bet. Every inch of me.
It just felt absolutely weird and uneasy not having her around me, not listening to her chirpy voice, her infectious laughter, her piercing squeals or even her annoying cries. It's like suddenly, a part of me was missing.I know, I know. It's just less than 4 hours apart a day. I should probably learn to treasure my me-time in those few hours. I should probably appreciate the chance to finally rest and relax. I should probably enjoy the rare peace and serenity in the house. Before my no.2 arrives.
And most of all, I should learn to let go.
To let my girl have the chance to be independent, to learn new things, to mingle with new friends, to eat by herself, to read on her own, to understand that she is big enough to be away from mommy and yet remain her happy, cheerful self.
As ironic as it sounds, while she was the one bawling on the outside when we said goodbye on the first day, I was the one who was really weeping deep inside.
For it's time to let you grow up, my dear.
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