When you think about it, Christmas dinner is an absurd idea. Make a list of all the different elements that make up the whole soup-to-nuts affair - from the cocktails and canapes to the 35 parts of the dinner itself, followed by everything needed for the inevitable spread of puds - and you'll start to realize how much of a task we set ourselves every year. Every dish seems to require a new pan or a coveted slot in the oven. And that's before Aunt Shirley arrives with her mini Yorkshire pudding nibble, which requires 15 minutes at 190C at a crucial point in the proceedings.
So once again we must say a silent Christmas prayer of thanks for Nigella Lawson, and not just for her Coca Cola ham. She has granted us special dispensation to take whatever shortcuts we deem necessary in preparing our Christmas feast, recognizing that our "seasonal sanity" may depend on cutting a single corner. "It makes sense to take advantage of all the high-quality shortcuts you can take now, whether it's pigs in blankets or brandy butter or gravy," she says. "I keep my freezer stocked with frozen chopped shallots, which I use in place of onions. They cook faster, taste sweeter and make life much easier."
Every household needs a Christmas Major General. If you're in charge of everything from grocery shopping, to (carefully) delegating, to managing the oven, to overseeing the gravy, why not do as Nigella says and give yourself the gift of some clever kitchen hacks? year. Stick to the Christmas shortcuts from our experts and even the most demanding gourmet at the table will not sleep a wink. Crucially, it will make your life a little easier, and Lawson's lore is very clear on this point: "No Christmas is made better by the cook being in a state of festering resentment." Too True.
Canapes
My colleague Ed Cumming has done useful fieldwork here. In a taste test of frozen Christmas foods, he declared the Booths brie de meaux and cranberry packets a win, especially if they were enhanced with extra cranberry sauce. The Icelandic tempura king prawns, meanwhile, were "hot, crispy and more flavoursome", while the Tesco mini scallop saint jacques received high marks. His advice if you're considering store-bought canapes? "Stick to fish."
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Grazing boards are popular among the experts. "I definitely wouldn't do canapés," says Tommy Banks, chef-owner of the Black Swan in Oldstead. Rather than feeling like we have to collect tasty snacks just because it's Christmas, Banks thinks a nice plate of cold stuff should do the trick, which is useful when you can tell at a glance what time the parsnips are in must. delicious as a nibble. Just put it out there and everyone will enjoy it."
And what if you want to make something that looks "from scratch", but is actually a huge cheat? Farokh Talati, head chef at St John Bread and Wine, reminds us to keep a box of pre-rolled puff pastry on hand. "Dijon mustard, grated cheese, cut into strips, bake in the oven. Fresh cheese straws." They're ready in the time it takes you to heat up a package of ready-made party food.
The main act
Do you know what you could do for yourself this Christmas? You could give yourself the gift of not having to peel and cut four bags of potatoes. "Honestly, if the whole point of Christmas is to be with your friends and family, it shouldn't matter if your potatoes are pre-cut," says Talati.
Choosing frozen vegetables is a convenient way to free up refrigerator space. It also means you can buy it in advance and not have to worry about it being past its prime by Christmas Day. "I would buy a load of frozen Brussels sprouts and frozen potatoes, the whole lot," says Talati, who believes the key lies in the cooking method. A pre-cut frozen sprout can be beautiful if you treat it right, while fresh sprouts whose stems you've spent lovingly cutting, trimming and cross-cutting all morning can be terrible. "I just boiled them in salt water until they were done, but then in a separate pan I fried some onions, some bacon or lard. Then cut them in half and fry them with all that bacon, maybe a lick of gravy to bring it together.
Stuffing is ripe for a shortcut. Marcus Wareing once revealed that he swears by Paxo. It seems to be a universal chef hack, as proven by Hicce Hart's Pip Lacey. "You can't go wrong. Take Paxo - just the normal version with sage and onion - and then add your own nuts and bolts, be it chestnuts or bacon." A little lemon zest can be a nice addition, and perhaps some of Nigella's diced frozen shallots, fried in butter.
The extras
You may think that a good stock or sauce is the calling card of any self-respecting chef, but many of them swear by buying one. "Buy your gravy," Lacey urges. "That's one of those things at the end where it all happens in time, but then you're messing around making a gravy. Nowadays supermarkets make very good sauces. And when all else fails, you have Bisto.
Banks suggest TrueFoods broths that can be added to meat juices along with other flavorings. "I agree with Nigella. No one in their right mind makes a stash at home for Christmas." You can even go all in and get their gravy, which is so good you can just "heat it up and it's good to go," says Banks. Or buy some decent gravy from the supermarket and use it up.
Telegraph Magazine editor Lisa Markwell adds roasted wing tips to a store-bought gravy as it heats through. As always, an extra dash of this or that can liven up even a decidedly average gravy. Try madeira or port for sweetness and a little Marmite for savory depth.
Store-bought bread sauce is fine, says Markwell, if it's heated "with extra cloves and cream" and checked for seasoning. Meanwhile, the Telegraph's Xanthe Clay says Aldi's cranberry sauce wins out on taste among store-bought options. Do you want to make a purchased cranberry sauce taste a little more homemade? Warm through with a little orange peel and juice, a pinch of ground allspice and a dash of red wine vinegar.
Sweet treats
Of all the elements of Christmas dinner that lend themselves to stocking up, pud is certainly a no-brainer, if only because everyone should have too many sherries to notice it by the time it rolls around.
The quickest route to a "so good it has to be homemade" con, says St John's Talati, is a good panettone. "When I worked for Angela Hartnett, she would get loads of panetones and we would make the best bread and butter pudding from them. Make a quick custard and simply bake it in the oven. It's quite special."
Trifle is an easy win when assembled from pre-made stuff. "There's a really good Nigella recipe that I made before at Christmas," says Banks. "Everything is purchased: ladyfingers, custard, jelly, and then you season it with some nice vermouth and it is delicious."
Lacey likes an ice cream bomb, made with "meringues, booze and cream." Just whip the cream with icing sugar and some kind of Christmas spirit like brandy, fold it into the crumbled meringue you bought at the store, freeze it in a Pyrex bowl and twist it out.
When it comes to mince pies, Clay recommends halving your workload by buying mince from a jar (her preference is Morrisons or Tesco mince) but making your own. "Real shortcrust pastry tastes noticeably better than the stuff from the supermarket. [...] The minced meat I tried, on the other hand, differed little in terms of ingredients from homemade."
Or just cut your losses and buy a whole dessert. M&S gets an honorable mention from Cumming for their frozen trifle-caked Alaska, which he gave five stars. The Telegraph's chocolate expert and author of Cake: A Slice of British Life, Andrew Baker, reports that M&S is also a winner this year with their passion fruit and white chocolate Christmas tree trunk, which he calls "extremely attractive with a glorious taste", while Aldi's Belgian chocolate number is "very creamy, with a rich milky chocolate flavour".
You could spend Christmas Eve painstakingly rolling a genoise sponge, or you could go to the shops. The choice is yours.
