A Raging Battle

I have begun the Made to Crave bible study with Proverbs 31 Ministry. This is my first online Bible study and there are over 40,000 women in the study! Amazing that God is working in all of our lives at the same time through this book by Lysa Terkeurst.
Go HERE if you would like to join!
Today is blog hop day and I chose the topic of A Raging Battle. "4. A Raging Battle ~ Food isn’t the only thing that tempts to destroy our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.  What other things do you currently crave more than God?"
It is scary to lay this all out there but my word for 2014 is free so here goes... For me the raging battle is Acceptance and Approval. 
I have fought this for so many years it seems natural for me to want others approval. 
I was not the cool kid in class although I had plenty of great friends. Or band geeks as we were labeled. :) 
I had one real boyfriend before graduating high school (which is not necessarily a bad thing). 
I have sought acceptance by friends and even family. They don't like this trait so I'll try to change it. They do like this about me so play that part up. 
Even to this day I seek acceptance and approval from my family and friends, co-workers and people I don't even know. That would include you if you are reading this!
What will they think if I say or do this. Should I have done that. I shoulda, woulda, coulda!
Seeking after and Craving God is the only thing that is truly going to fill these holes. Loss seems to be what my holes contain and what makes me crave this attention from others. 
I lost my mother when I was a baby.
I lost my second mom, Paul's mom, who I had so much in common with and loved as though she had been in my life for all of my years.
I lost 2 babies to miscarriage.
I, I, I... 
I do want to use these circumstances to help others through a loss or other situation but they do not define who I am. And should not control how I feel about myself or how I think others view me.
I am the perfect daughter of God and having his unconditional love is the approval and acceptance I need.
God and I have been on this journey together. It wasn't until my 2nd round of fertility treatments that I let God have it. I was so angry and didn't know what was wrong with me. Why me, God? That was the first time in my life that I had laid it all out and trusted God with my heart. 
Really, it took me a long time to do that. Why not sooner? I want to teach my kids to have an open communication with God now so that when troubles do arise they already know him on a personal level. He is continually showing me that I am his precious daughter and I am learning to trust in that and know that I am free to be me! 

Hitting send on this is not easy because what if you don't like what I have said. Fighting against that fear and praying this helps at least one of you know that you are free to be the beautiful, talented, forgiven daughter of our Lord!