"Sweet Disposition" by The Temper Trap
To put it bluntly, growing up can really suck sometimes. While the idea that the world is our oyster can be appealing, it can also be overwhelming and terrifying. Trying to figure out what we're going to do, how we're going to do it, and the whole time not knowing if we made the right decision or if anything is going to work at all is a burden that we 20 somethings bear by default. For the last week and a half, I've attempted to keep on truckin and the whole time I'm hoping and praying that I'm doing right by my life. Through this I've come to understand that I'm never going to be completely sure of anything but fortunately with this burden we bear we are also given the gift of youth. What gets us through this time in our lives is the need to feel alive. Think about it: we're in search of a job, a place to live, a significant other, or even simply a new bar to go to on a Friday night but we're not just looking for any job, city, guy, or bar....we're looking for the ones that make us feel alive. We're looking for the job that makes us want to get up every morning. We want to live in a place that keeps us moving, active and stimulated. We're searching for that guy or girl that makes our dopamine levels go crazy. We want to feel alive in every aspect of our lives and we're young enough to do it.
So in case you haven't heard, I'm moving to Washington, DC. I got a studio apartment in Dupont, I got my old job back at Rhino (so come watch some football!), and I'm looking for a day job. I went down this weekend for the first Saturday of college football (LET'S GO STATE!) and it felt great to be back. The first thing I did when I got there was I went on a run around town. I ran from Georgetown to where my new apartment is, which I hope to move into this week, and felt alive. I saw four or five people I know on the street, I got re-aquinted with the city, and felt skinnier in seconds! It's a very different feeling being there not as a college student but as a regular person. Not that I didn't enjoy college, but I almost felt relieved to not have the obligations that go along with college life (like classes, roommates, and events).
Catching up with Sophie at dinner, having a drink at The Whale, and ending the night at Rhino felt the same but different. I can't wrap my brain around how to describe it but you know that when I do I'll write a post about it. However, for now just know that I was beaming from ear to ear. It felt like I had come home.
The next day at work was when it really sunk in though because I was right back in the swing of things. It was somewhere between seeing the regulars again, singing "Give Me Everything" with Brittany, and the first dun dun dun dun dun dun dun P! dun dun dun dun dun dun dun S! dun dun dun dun dun U! that I knew I was at least on the right track. Like I said, I can't be absolutely certain that I'm making the right choice to move back to DC but I do know that I feel alive when I'm there. I'm a somewhat different person in that city and whatever that little tweak is, I'm its biggest fan.
Later that night I went back home to New Jersey and had one more bittersweet night at Sona. With the exception of missing Gabaroooni, I could not have asked for a better group to go out with. In the car on the way there, Tanya, Lauren, Hillary and I were singing and dancing when one of those pangs of pain hit me like a ton of bricks. These are my closest girlfriends that I've come to develop very meaningful friendships with not just go out and be crazy friends but when we do go out and get crazy, I feel alive. We take that bar by storm and couldn't have a bad time if we tried! I never laugh as hard, dance as intensely, or sing as loudly as do when I'm with them. "Ohhh HAAAAAAY Kid Cudi, YEAH BUDDY!" It was also wonderful having him around on a night like last night. He made me feel alive and I'll see ya soon, "Gosling."
Sassarella Says...do whatever it is that makes you feel alive. We want so much to have control over our lives and to have it all figured out but it's impossible to ever completely achieve that. There is only so much we can predict and prepare for so in the meantime we have to do what we need to do to get by. If whatever it is that you're doing, whoever it is that you're seeing, or however you're living gives you that all over good feeling then ya gotta be doing something right. I'm under the impression that as long as I keep feeling alive and well, then the rest will fall into place....fingers crossed!
