Dating Magazine

A Cure for a Social Disease

By Madmel @melmo72
Are you the only single adult in your family?  Do people look at you like someone branded the word 'Desperate' on your forehead whenever you show up to a party alone?  Are people commenting on the stench of failure that seems to permeate your skin?  What you have is a fairly common condition, of which I am a fellow sufferer: Sympathetic Hyper Interested Tool Syndrome.  This condition is suffered largely by singles thirty years of age and over, and the source of infection is most likely to be a friend, relative, co-worker or acquaintance who is either married or in a steady relationship.  The following symptoms are the most common.
-  Acute anxiety when faced with the prospect of attending a formal event, such as a wedding, alone.  May be accompanied by nausea, excessive perspiration and diarrhea if the bride has an unattached relative, friend or embittered ex-boyfriend she wants to introduce to/throw at you.
-  Sudden, sharp decrease in self-worth.  This is usually brought on by one sided conversations with a close family member, more than likely a parent, on the direct correlation between your lack of marital status and your socio-economic predicament.
-  Sudden, sharp increase in body temperature, brought on by either rage or embarrassment at unwanted, unwarranted and often insincere sympathetic gestures from attached friends and acquaintances.  False sad expressions, pats on the shoulder and the 'Aww,' noise appear to illicit the strongest effect.
If you think you might have this potentially crippling affliction, don't despair.  There is a relatively painless cure.  Simply perform the following three step procedure, and you will reap the benefits for life.  Note: Repetition of the procedure may be necessary in severe cases.
1.  Go to the place where you are at your most relaxed and find a comfortable spot to sit.
2.  Shut out the negative thoughts that are stabbing away at your brain, and reflect instead on your best features, such as your intelligence, creativity, and sense of humor.
3.  Confront the person responsible for passing on the disease, and say: I like the way I am.  I don't need your pity/assistance/cast-offs, and I will not let you give me the S.H.I.T.S again! 
*This post is for my best friend, Corrina.  You go girl!  
  

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Taming Shakespeare

    Taming Shakespeare

    It hardly seemed credible, from what I heard in high school, that anyone would read Shakespeare if it weren’t required. I’m not completely naive, but I do wonde... Read more

    6 hours, 52 minutes ago by   Steveawiggins
    POLITICS, RELIGION, SOCIETY
  • Three Against Two the Tambuka Way

    Western music is based on so-called duple rhythms, patterns of two or multiples of two. There are triple rhythms as well, the waltz for example, but they... Read more

    7 hours, 49 minutes ago by   Bbenzon
    CULTURE, PHILOSOPHY, SOCIETY
  • Downsides of Diet Culture

    Downsides Diet Culture

    Picture of a adorable pug named Biscuit walking toward the camera saying “If I want the Food Police I’ll call Pie-1-1”Today a new blog reader asked me “I’ve... Read more

    8 hours, 25 minutes ago by   Danceswithfat
    DIET & WEIGHT, FITNESS, HEALTH
  • Money, Museums and Men

    Money, Museums

    On the second day of our London jolly, we were planning to take in the view from the Shard, until we realised it was thirty quid a piece. Read more

    8 hours, 48 minutes ago by   Jackscott
    DIARIES, EXPAT, SELF EXPRESSION
  • Shopping in Sarojini Nagar? Here Are 15 Things You Must Know Before You Go.

    Shopping Sarojini Nagar? Here Things Must Know Before

    Planning to visit Sarojini Nagar and have some questions about it? Check out all 15 questions I have covered in here. 4 of them will help you by the best clothe... Read more

    8 hours, 54 minutes ago by   Shoppingaholic
    HAIR & BEAUTY, LIFESTYLE, SHOPPING
  • A Ripple Conversation With Rob "Blasko" Nicholson

    Ripple Conversation With "Blasko" Nicholson

    Let's start with your name and what you do.Let's have it. - Blasko. I wear many hats, but most commonly I am the bass player for Ozzy Osbourne. Start at... Read more

    10 hours, 19 minutes ago by   Ripplemusic
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC
  • #LondonWalks Walk Of The Week: The Rock'n'Roll Pub Tour With LIVE Music...

    #LondonWalks Walk Week: Rock'n'Roll Tour With LIVE Music #RollingStones Special!

    On Sundays we pluck just one walk from the vast London Walks repertoire and put it centre stage. You can check out the full schedule at www.walks.com. Read more

    10 hours, 22 minutes ago by   Lwblog
    DESTINATIONS, TRAVEL

Magazines