Hello one and all, I have to apologise profusely for not having written very much lately. You know how it is, one gets into idle mode, and other things crop up which gives us an excellent excuse for not doing what in theory we should be doing.
Some of you may or may not know that I have been visiting Japan. Oh, golly gosh what an incredible and beautiful country. I was having such a fantastic time and just kept telling myself how lucky I was.
About a couple of weeks into my trip, I found myself in the stunning mountain village of Hakone. Which is a must visit as there is so much to see and do, it is amazing. round about two nights before to leave I was walking out of the building to collect my washing from the machine when "lo and behold" I missed a step, tripped and went crashing to the ground. As anyone will know who has broken a limb or a bone, we know don´t we? The pain was excruciating, and my hand and wrist were all in the wrong place. The workmen who were witnessed to my latest escapade kindly helped me to my feet, and one of them even helped me to get my washing out of the machine. I might mention, that I had rather a lot of underwear and the young man seemed more interested in my panties (The ones in the machine) than in my woeful state. He kept saying how sexy my undies were and in all honesty, the last thing I wanted to hear was what he thought of my knickers.
I immediately went to reception and said that I needed to see a Doctor or visit a hospital straight away. The girl was very kind as she informed me that the hospitals were closed in the evening and that in Hakone there were no Doctors.
Now as you can all imagine, I was very surprised that firstly there were no Doctors in this village, but even more, the fact that the hospitals closed at night time. How can a hospital close a night time? what do they do with the in-patients? Do they lock them all up for the night and go home, or do they throw them out and tell them to come back the next day? Very strange to say the least. So there was me with broken "Lord knows what" and had to wait till the next day.
Come the next morning; the receptionist now tells me that there are no hospitals at all and that I have to go to the next town called Odawara which is 7km away. I call a taxi and march myself off the hospital.
(At this point in writing I need to say, that I love and adore the Japanese people, but Jeepers creepers, they are so pernickety it can drive one up the wall)
I entered the Florence Nightingale-style hospital and approached the reception. A very nice young man comes up to attend to me and immediately shows me his mobile phone that says "We don´t speak English. So we have to go through the translator Google." I do appreciate that I am in Japan and that it is me that needs to be able to speak their language and not vice-versa. He politely asks me to fill out a form which is in both Japanese and English. At least we are getting somewhere, that is till I read the form.
OH, WHAT FUN!
First question...Full name. I answer that.
Date of Birth... No problem there, I still know that one.
Age years and months... Surely If they know my date of birth, then they must know how old I am!
When was your last menstruation...? At this point, I am thinking that this must be some silly joke, at my sweet age how in heaven´s name how am I going to remember when I had my last poxy period?
Now, wait for it! Now comes the prize question...!
WHEN DID YOU LAST HAVE SEX...? Excuse me! I have come into the hospital to see about my poor old broken bone or bones, and they want to know when I last had sex! Really! I ask you, What has my sex life got to do with a fractured wrist?
I felt like saying ten minutes ago with the drop-dead gorgeous taxi driver. (In my dreams that I should be so lucky!) but I didn't think it would go down very well.
After this came a never-ending list of possible allergies, illnesses, vaccinations, operations, etc.
By this time I think that the only allergy I could have been suffering from was an allergy to a mile long questionnaire that had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with why I am even standing in this hospital. I handed the paper back to the assistant, and she slowly proceeded to go through it with a fine-tooth comb. Of course, how did you guess? she managed to find several insignificant questions that I hadn´t answered and insisted that I fill them in. (Oh Dear God give me patience, but hurry)
Finally, that was done and the young man who I first saw me, tells me, "We accept you!" Accept? Yes, those were his exact words! I started to wonder if they had misunderstood and thought that I was applying for a job. He then informed me that nine people were waiting ahead of me. "Well, suffering´cats" I certainly wasn't ´going to spend the rest of the day hanging around in this Godforsaken place when it didn't even inspire me with much confidence. As kindly as I could, I thanked them and said it was impossible for me to wait so long. I took my leave and went in search of another taxi driver to screw (in my dreams.)
The following day, I took the bullet train back to Tokyo and headed immediately to the highly recommended EX Pats favourite hospital that spoke English. As luck would have it, the Orthopedic Doctor wasn't available. So the only other option was to go to emergency. After waiting for several hours, I eventually got to see a young intern. On close inspection of very sad hand and wrist, he informed me that possibly, I had some fractured bones! Yeah well thanks for that information, like I didn't already know. Of course, once again, I was to wait a few more hours to get the darned thing ex-rayed and surprise surprise! Yep! The result was a very nasty break with splintered bones!
Yet again! it was another eternal time span before they decide to do something to fix the fracture. The Interns told me that they could give me a temporary splint until I returned to Bangkok. (It was evident that they were not in a position to do anything else, so I agreed.) Gosh, talk about a NEVER ENDING STORY!
