This whole writing business can be quite pesky. I mean, who really needs a muse popping up at inconvenient times and giving you burning inspiration that simply must be addressed? Who likes having a physical need to express oneself creatively? And who enjoys a solid groove of manuscript progress? There are ways to make it all stop. I’m here to help. Let’s kill that writing mojo.
Follow these quick steps to murder the insatiable irritant. In little time, I guarantee the productivity and joy of writing you currently possess will quickly become a shadow from your past.
- Visit Facebook first. Or any favorite online hangout. For me, it’s a combination of social networks and political news sites. They’re a total time vortex for me.
- Keep your coffee machine in a separate room. Quick refills take longer and the journey to fill your cup will likely take you past half a dozen distracting chores, like dishes needing washed, floors needing swept or mail needing sorted. Of course, you could also call this “multitasking” and count the trek as exercise.
- Place a noisy fish tank in your office. This trick performs double duty since the incessant scratchy hum attacks cohesive thought and (bonus!) the sound of running water combined with regular caffeine intake will prompt more frequent bathroom breaks.
- Invite children into your space. This won’t just stunt your writing mojo; it will slaughter it with imperceptible effort. You don’t even need to invite the little cherubs into your workspace. Just place them anywhere within earshot. I find it works best with siblings that argue, girls possessing high-pitched voices or any highly accident prone munchkin.
- Spend two hours (or more) doing market research in your genre. I almost said “Go to the bookstore.” Seeing shelves and shelves of competing publications can fill writers with an overwhelming sense of futility. I mean, if all this is published and selling, what chance has my little WIP?
- Prioritize marketing when you’ve nothing to sell. Yes. Spend an obscene amount of time trying to get people to follow you for no reason. They’ll grow frustrated that you offer little of value and you’ll grow frustrated that no one cares about what you will eventually say once you have a following. It’s perfect!
- Write for platform rather than your message or story. This is related to #6. Allow your subscribers, readers, trends and site statistics to hijack your creativity. Focus solely on what sells. Forget about craft, content and the story that incites your passions. Submit to what “everyone” says works and to what is “hot” and “relevant.”
- Try to be someone else. There are two effective ways to do this. You can either imitate others’ voices, tones and styles or you can simply echo what everyone else has already said and heard. Use lots of clichés. By all means, avoid originality.
Your Turn: What habits have you created that inhibit your writing mojo? How can we avoid killing it?
