It’s been a year since Covid invaded the Earth. Like a big headed, long tentacled alien from plant Zoop. Along with shut downs and shut ups, we wear masks now like it’s nothing. But is it nothing really? For one, I have asthma so getting used to a face mask took a long time. But just about every day there is a new adventure with my mask. I am sure you have stories too. I would love to hear them in the comments!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to wearing it. And I don’t judge others that don’t wear it. I’m out here to protect my big ass and no one else’s so you do you. I’ve had the Covid and I now have my first shot behind me. Again. No judgment if you don’t get the shot. But let me tell you my reasons for having to have a drink for everyday this mask tries to take over and is slowly kill me. My tombstone should read, “She Died Because The Fu@&ing Covid Mask Choked Her Out Like A Snake Eating A Goat”. SO here goes:
- Asthma Issues: I had to practice wearing the mask for longer and longer periods of time to get used to not breathing and having my lungs feel like they were burning from the insides of me. I couldn’t wait to rip the mask off and gasp for air and take multiple drags on my inhaler while my face was red and people thought I was having a heart attack.
- Not Wearing Earrings: While ripping that mask off everyday to breathe, would end up popping my earrings off and I found 2 out of 3 pairs in my car in various places. So no more earrings.
- Do Not Belch While Wearing A Mask: Especially after eating spicy foods or just drinking coffee. I had always been taught you can’t smell your own breath. LIES. And you have no where to go once you’ve done it. I tend to look like I’m having some weird seizure.
- Why Wear Make Up? It comes off in the mask. You sweat in the mask. Make up smears and ends up all over your face and you look like you were drunk when you put on your make up. Plus if you put the mask back on backwards, people will know. It looks like you just kissed a drag queen. (No offense Queens!)
- Do Not Yawn. This was a very scary learning moment for me. I was waiting in the doctors office and needed to yawn. But when I did I accidently sucked in the mask to the back of my throat causing a gag reflex that sounded like a dog as he yacks up on your living room carpet. Fortunately the nurses recognized what was happening and laughed with me afterwards, saying they had experienced this too. For. The. Love.
- To Smile or Not? I was visiting a local hospital and every time you visit you have to have a photo taken for your ID. I smiled every time then laughed because no one will see that million dollar smile now. But it’s instinct. And you still feel stupid.
- Judging: I don’t judge you if you don’t wear a mask, but if you do, pull it up over your nose! If I had a drink for every person who couldn’t wear it the right way I’d be a Zillionaire. Just saying.
- Don’t Forget! How many times have I left my car, walked all the way inside somewhere to be stared out for not having on a mask? Then the walk of shame back to the car to find your mask only to decide you just don’t see yourself walking back in after all that trouble.
So Cheers my friends as we all raise our glasses to having this pandemic GONE! But then we will have to find another drinking game but have no fear friends. The world will give us plenty of opportunities for more drinking games. It always does. So what are your funnies from wearing masks?
As always, here’s your funny video about masks today!:
