Expat Magazine

5 Things Every Heterosexual Male Needs in Bangkok

By Harvie

Are you a heterosexual male living in Bangkok, or just a homosexual?

Well you're about to find out, which of these 5 things are in your life right now (you need to score 4/5 to pass).

1. Paleo Robbie

You are what you eat.

You never want to be fat, fat people are disgusting to look at.

Do you want people to think you're disgusting? No, I didn't think so.

The first thing a heterosexual Bangkok expat needs in their life is good food.

And that's where Paleo Robbie comes in.

Paleo Robbie will send you pasture-fed beef, wild sockeye salmon and the healthiest meals you can find in Bangkok to your door - whenever you want it (except Sunday because they are closed for you to have a cheat day).

They also have an online grocery where you can find items such as apple cider vinegar (cures everything from blackheads to STDs), organic coconut oil (lube), sauerkraut (dat gut health), GMO free nuts (increase sperm count) and a wide range of meats that are free from growth hormones and antibiotics so you can make gains at the gym.

When it comes to food or grocery delivery in Thailand, you won't find better.

Just forget about it.

People may tell you it's bad value, but these are the people who have never tried Paleo Robbie but have the mentality that

"Oh every other food delivery is 199b, so they must be expensive."

That's because for 199b you're getting rice and half a piece of factory chicken, not an Argentine steak with enough carbs to last 4 bulks:

If you've not used them before you can use the voucher code 5819 to get 250b off their grocery and paleo450 to get 450b off your first Meal Plan order.


If you don't want to shed out 399b for a meal, use their grocery:


In the comments section when you place your order, tell em ya boy Harvie sent you, I really don't know why they are not sponsoring me already with free food (no really, tell them).

2. A king size bed

If you're not sleeping on a king size bed every night, you can't call yourself a man.

If I view a condo or I book a hotel and I see a queen size bed, I'm like:

5 Things Every Heterosexual Male Needs in Bangkok

I'll tell the receptionist:

"Do I look like a bitch? Then don't fuck me like one"

I'll never sleep on anything less than a king size and the mattress has to be comfy AF.

I sleep better, and when I sleep better, I do my job better.

When I worked a corporate job, I never wanted to do my job well, or at all, I just wanted to waste as much time as possible before the clock hit five.

But I'm a real man now and I work for myself. I love nothing more than doing my job or getting better at it.

The better I get, the more $$$ I get.

That's why I'm king Size till I die.

If you settle for anything less, it means you're playing yourself.

Don't ever play yourself.

3. Get a gym membership

If you're not working out at least 3 times a week, what the fuck are you doing with your time? (Sign up to my email list already!)

I hate going to the gym, it hurts like fuck when you go against gravity, but I know I have to go and get it done.

If you're not lifting heavy weights once a week, you're a phaggot.

Hand over your man badge.

"But I don't like going to the gym"

Nobody does phaggot, but going to the gym is to build discipline which you can use in other areas of your life.

Are you trying to move to Bangkok? Are you trying to launch an online business? Do you have a single meaningful goal in your life right now? Are you trying to get Thai girls? Are you depressed, fat or always tired?

No, I'm not about to sell you an Ebook.

Just go to the fucking gym and build a base to reach all your goals.

Do weights at least once a week then for your other 2 gym days do something you enjoy like tennis, football, basketball, bjj, yoga or whatever.

If you can't do this, then just accept you'll never accomplish anything in life or at best you'll be average.

You can find all the best gyms in Bangkok by reading my the ultimate guide to gyms in Bangkok.

4. Water delivery

You need to stay hydrated in Bangkok.

When hydration hits, your brain goes into paralysis, you mind fogs and your overall performance drops.

When performance drops, so does your income (remember, we are working for ourselves now, we need this machine running smooth).

How are you meant to live your ideal lifestyle dehydrated?

You can't.

You won't want to go to the gym, you won't want to meet your friends, you won't want to work that extra hour on your business, you'll just want to lie in bed on dating apps and Instagram.

If you're spending more than 10 mins on Instagram per day, there's a good chance you're living vicariously through other people's stories and updates.

Get yourself a water delivery option like Sprinkle to deliver bottles of water to your apartment once a week.

Cost is about 3b a liter.

At all times you need drinking water in your condo - no excuses.

If you often run to the 7-Eleven because you never have water at home, I bet you don't mind sleeping on a queen size bed because you're a bitch.

5. Hodl Bitcoin

No heterosexual Bangkok male's life is complete without owning Bitcoin.

5 Things Every Heterosexual Male Needs in Bangkok

Will one Bitcoin be worth $1 million in 10 years, or will it be worth $10?

I don't know.

But here's what I do know, if you're not risking 1-20% of your net worth in this technology, then what opportunity are you waiting for?

To get what you want in life, you have to be able to take and manage risk.

Bitcoin will be your teacher.

A 1-20% gamble of your entire net worth is nothing if you lose, and a life-changing amount if you win.

As a rule of thumb, the bigger your net worth, the smaller the risk you need to take.

If you're not speculating on Bitcoin, you won't speculate on the next big money-making venture in 5 years, because you're scared of risk and again you'll be left behind just like you have been with Bitcoin.

I personally know several Bitcoin millionaires, and hundreds of people who have made $100k-$500k in the last 12 months by taking a managed risk position.

Now don't get it twisted, I am not saying Bitcoins WILL make you money, you could lose your entire investment.

But as men, that is what we do to get ahead.

When you invest in Bitcoin, you're NOT investing in digital gold or currency, you investing in yourself to take more risks later in life to reach your goals and get the lifestyle you want.

What is your Score?

I'm 5/5 because I'm a man, baby!

You want to score at 4 or higher, otherwise you need to work on your game. The good news is, whatever you score right now, in less than 7 days you can get it to 5/5.

All you have to do is TAKE ACTION.

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog