Humor Magazine

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

Summer has officially arrived and so marks the beginning of a season filled with travel, lying around poolside, and day drinking. Lots of day drinking.

Summer is also a time for self-reflection and relaxation. When grabbing a book and hitting the beach or sitting out in the yard are not only possible, but encouraged.

But then the inevitable question arises, “What book should I read?”

This all-consuming question has, on many occasions, brought forth so much anguish and despair to essentially destroy what could and should have been an enjoyable day filled with serenity and inner peace.

So how does one narrow down the vast list of acceptable choices and pick the right one? Relax, young grasshopper, we are here to help. Through countless hours of scientific research, we have come up with a list of 22 books sure to ease your anxiety and put all your chakras into perfect balance.

5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

What do you tell a dolphin with two black eyes? Nothing. You’ve already told it twice.

The Fried Twinkie Manifesto

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Fried Twinkies are the culmination of everything that is right in the world.

My Cat Hates You

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Don’t be offended; my cat hates me, too.

Bedtime Stories For Children You Hate

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

There are reasons my friends don’t let me babysit anymore. And I’m okay with that.

Why Is Daddy In a Dress?

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

But more importantly, who is he wearing?

Maybe Your Leg Will Grow Back!

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Or maybe it won’t. PUPPIES!

101 Ways to Kill a Zombie

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

The zombie apocalypse is a very real thing. And so are unicorns.

All My Friends Are Dead

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Twilight fan fiction.

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Also titled I WILL Pee on This and My Food Dish is Half Empty, Want Me To Starve?

William Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

For those into suicidal Sci-fi.

The Book of Bunny Suicides

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Speaking of suicide: bunnies in a toaster.

The White Trash Mom Handbook

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

For lessons on how to live an exemplary life. Second only to the Bible.

Dog Shaming

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Because sometimes dogs should just be ashamed of themselves.

What Would Keith Richards Do?

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Probably not what Jesus would do. Probably.

Dear Luke, We Need to Talk, Darth

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

“Sorry about your hand…”

Reasons Mommy Drinks

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Reasons my mommy drinks: Me.

How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

In the event Ian Ziering isn’t around to carve you out of a sharks underbelly, you now still have a chance at survival.

Go the F**k to Sleep

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

The sadists guide to insomnia.

How to Keep Sparkly Emo Vampires Off Your Lawn

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

 Sold at your local O.S.H. and Armstrong Garden Centers.

Ice Cream & Sadness: More Comics From Cyanide & Happiness

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Nothing equals the pain and sadness equated with dropping your ice cream. Nothing.

My Boyfriend Barfed in my Handbag…and Other Things You Can’t Ask Martha

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

Don’t knock Martha. She’s done hard time. She can make Pruno like the best of them.

And last but not least…

Face The Music

22 Books That Should Be On Everyone’s Summer Reading List

For when your day is in dire need of a dude in war paint.

Happy reading!


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