Do you play tennis? Do you watch tennis? Have you ever had an email address with the word “tennis” in it? If you answered “yes” to any of these three questions, then this article is for you. Have a quick shot at grinding through this listicle for the 15 most valuable and indispensable tennis-truths of all time.
1. You are extremely competitive.
Whether it’s for tennis, basketball, cards, Monopoly, or any bet you make with a friend, you know that you always have to win. You have a little internal voice that motivates you for whatever you’re doing, saying, “There’s no way you can lose to this egghead.” You will stop at nothing to achieve success, and are known to have a lousy temper if you lose.
2. You find it is difficult to rely on other people.
You like to fly solo in not just airplanes, but in life. In team sports, such as basketball and soccer, you are known as the “Hog,” and like to keep the ball to yourself. You wonder why people get mad at you, because passing the ball to your teammates seems unnecessary when you could do a much better job by yourself!
3. One side of your body is bigger than the other.
Your dominant side is obviously much stronger from your serve and forehand, your two greatest strengths. Therefore, you tend to carry everything – handbags, kids, your pet dog – on only one side.
4. You have calluses all over your hands, feet and toes.
Maybe not as many as Rafa. But all I can say is… Ouch.
5. You have more tennis clothes than regular clothes.
You also don’t understand why miniskirts and tank tops aren’t acceptable for everyday wear.
6. You have inescapable tan lines all year round.
Often, you don’t even need to wear clothes, because it looks like you’re already wearing some.
7. Nobody will know you quite like your long-time doubles partner…
…with whom you have an impenetrable bond, and are mutually connected through higher mental processes. Your cholinergic pathways in the brain are in sync and you are therefore in a state of harmony with one another.
8. Love means nothing to you. Literally.
The tennis language is actually quite diverse, with bagels, breaks, shanks, tubes, tweeners, hackers, hooks, pushers, grinders, and lots of lucky losers to look out for.
9. You are strangely superstitious.
You have a strict routine at the change of ends as to whether you drink your Gatorade, drink your water, or wipe your face with your towel first. The order that this comes in can have a substantial impact on your performance in the next two games. You ultimately attribute your wins and losses to external factors that are decided by a higher divine force. Some common phrases that you use are:
a. “I only started winning when you came over and watched me.”
b. “That’s my unlucky court.”
c. “I only ever win with this racquet…even though it’s exactly the same as this one.”
d. “I would’ve won if it wasn’t for that bad banana I ate before.”
10. When your coach tells you to change your technique and it feels like your whole world and existence is falling apart:
Heaven forbid your coach tries to change your serve. You know your service action better than you know the alphabet (does M come after, or before N?), and any slight deviation from the norm will result in catastrophe.
11. Tennis balls are EVERYWHERE.
In your garage, in your car, under your bed, in your sock drawer; there’s no escaping them. You know that there’s no smell more pleasant than the smell of opening a new can of tennis balls.
12. There is no worse feeling in the world than double faulting.
13. And no better feeling than when your shot hits the top of the net and rolls over.
14. Slamming your racquet on the ground feels so wrong, yet so right.
15. Tennis is not just a game. It’s a lifestyle.
Your friends will all think you play too much tennis, but you don’t think you play enough. You constantly have to ditch your friends for practice, or leave sleepovers at 8 a.m. to play matches. You can’t promise that your social life will get better either, because there’s no off-season for tennis, and unlike with many other sports, you can play FOREVER. But that’s why you love it, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
