So something must have shrouded my sanity somewhere along the journey of motherhood when I decided to go for a third one, and seemingly bite off more than I can chew. Come on, even my kids can help me to count, with no extra help in the house, I have two and only two hands, right? Sure, I have two legs but they can't help me to unhook my nursing bra, hang the laundry or babywear a tired toddler. Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking when I told the hubby "Let's try for another baby?", even though I do remember that I felt very passionately about it.
No, it wasn't about wanting to have a son because I would have cherished and loved a third daughter all the same. All I wanted was another healthy baby delivered into our arms because I think I wouldn't have been able to withstand a loss a second time. It wasn't about wanting to be the one with the most kids among my friends or trying to boast to the world that "Look, it's not so hard after all!", which by the way would have been a complete lie. I think, I really think it boiled down to our love for kids and a craving for a big family. Squabbles and fights aside, I see firsthand on how my girls love each other to the moon and back and to me, the best gift I can ever give to them is a sibling to love, to hold and to depend on for life.
So, it only made sense to me to add another one into the equation, even though 1 + 1 = 3 doesn't really tally. To tell you the truth, if I could have as many arms as an octopus (did you know that they have six arms and two legs?) and 0.00001% of Mark Zuckerburg's net worth in my bank, I seriously wouldn't mind having half a dozen kids or more. Yes, I do miss being pregnant and having a newborn to cradle although I think we are quite done for now. Well, let's just say that while this road hadn't been easy, becoming a mom of three is, without a doubt, one of the best decisions I've ever made.
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Looking back on my motherhood journey so far, while becoming a mom was definitely a big change and an unprecedented challenge of my life, having two kids seemed to be a smoother transition but adding a third one into the brood has altered the dynamics and it is now a different ball game altogether.
Even though I can now be considered somewhat of an expert at breastfeeding, making dinner with a toddler on my chest or taking kids out on the public transport, and despite having been a mom of three for nearly two whole years already, there are so many things that I've yet to master and so many lessons for me to learn every day.
It's definitely not an easy role to be a parent, even more so when you have a brood to look after. So, to fellow mums and dads out there, let's just stop for a second from whatever it is that we are doing all the time and give ourselves a pat on the back. Now, just to give everyone an insight into how being a stay-at-home mom feels like to me at this point, here are some telltale signs that you are a parent of three or more.
1) You realize how outnumbered you are
Two hands for three kids? That's seriously not enough. I used to hold one kid in each hand but now, I can't even do that. Don't get me started on having just a pair of eyes too, because they are simply not enough when your kids decide to run off in different directions. Simultaneously.
2) You hesitate when writing their birth certificate numbers
When it comes to writing the D.O.B for the kids, I think we can still manage though we might take a while to write down the correct year. But if we are talking about birth certificate numbers, yup, we usually jumble up some of the numbers, or get confused about the alphabet at the back.
3) You call them by the wrong name at times
"Mama, did you just call me meimei's name?" Well, hello, it's hard enough that all your names start with the same letter and have two syllabus and when I'm in a rush, I just can't think clearly okay. Well, at least it makes all of you laugh whenever I do it. Not on purpose.
4) You used to think you nag a lot. Now, you just can't stop
"Have you packed your school bag?", "Can you stop picking out the vege?", "Please don't draw all over my sofa!!!". Yes, I keep telling myself that I don't want to be a naggy mom but after having three kids who are in different phases of growing up and can push my buttons in all sorts of ways, that hope has gone out of the window.
5) You know how it is to feel like a zombie
Bedtime reading with the eldest. Having to help the middle child wee wee in the wee hours, or worse, having to clean up wet bedsheets. Waking up every two hourly in the night to feed the youngest. That, on top of having to deal with household chores for a family of five, fetching three kids to and fro school and classes, running errands and making sure everyone's needs are met, well, it's no wonder we seldom get time to rest and have permanent eye bags.
6) You rarely get to visit the loo in peace
Trust me, something is bound to happen whenever you need to go to the toilet, even if you already tried to sneak in. The youngest, who bangs wildly and attempts to break open the door should you close it, likes to cling onto your leg and stare at you while you do your business (please tell me I'm not the only one). The two elder ones will squabble, shout for "Mummy" or decide it is THE time they need you for something. Anything.
7) You start to set alarms and jot down events in your calendar
No matter how good your memory is, or was before the kids came along, the fact is with more than one kid who go to school and have dismissal at different timings on different days of the week, chances are you will likely need more than one reminder a day. The last thing you want is to forget to pick one of them up, right? Not to mention that you have to attend school events with the elder ones, go for parent-teacher meetings, keep check of doctor appointments and vaccinations for the youngest, and ferry the kids to and fro their enrichment classes. Trust me, it gets confusing at times.
8) You make the most of hand-me-downs
You are thankful for hand-me-downs from your elder two and utilise them to the max, even if it means dressing the baby girl in blue rompers with robot prints or making the boy sit in a bright pink stroller. Yes, new clothes and new baby essentials are overrated because you know jolly well how fast the kid is going to outgrow them. In fact, with three kids, things will inevitably be tight financially and so you try to save in all kinds of ways. Every little bit counts, right?
9) You don't have high hopes of getting into a private hire car
Nowadays, when we try to Grab a private car, the drivers freak out when they see me with three kids and tell me that it is against the safety law. Then they tell us to try and get a GrabFamily car, which by the way has only two booster seats so it defeats the purpose when you have three kids, or just take a taxi which we all know doesn't come equipped with any child-friendly seats yet they comply with the law and can take as many kids as you have. The funny thing is if these private car drivers see me with just one or two kids, they are usually willing to pick us up. Yes, I can't figure out the logic of it all and in any case, we still prefer to stick to public transport as much as possible.
10) You will always have an odd one out when riding on roller coasters
Actually, it's not just roller coasters but anything that requires you to be in pairs, in particularly many of the theme park rides. It's usually the eldest who ends up sitting alone or with a stranger because you and your hubby need to accompany the two younger ones who are not tall enough to sit on their own. Or, if the youngest hasn't even reached the height limit, either you and your hubby will need to be with him/her which still leaves you with an odd number. Yes, that's the arithmetic about having a family of five and no helper.
11) You start to have simple birthday parties or just combine them
Yes, you did wish you could have one awesome party for each kid, year after year. But if you have three kids who are born very near each other's birthday like mine (two of their birthdays are only two days apart and the other is less than a month away), it's gonna be a huge, huge challenge to keep up with the party planning. If you are inviting family members, it's also hard to keep getting them to turn up for the parties which are close to each other. So yeah, don't feel so guilty about not having a grand celebration or combining them because that's just how it needs to be sometimes.
12) You are cooler, calmer and more confident
Baby crying? Let him be. Toddler in terrible twos? Bring it on. Siblings fighting? Tell them to handle it themselves. That's one good thing about being an third time mom because with experience, wisdom and knowledge under your belt, you are way more chill than you were when you first embarked on the motherhood journey. Most of the time now, you know what you need to do, and what not to do, when sticky situations arise and you've learnt to not be bothered by what others may think.
13) You get used to the question "Are they all yours?"
Seriously, I don't know how many times I've answered that question already, especially to curious strangers we meet on the streets. Yes, I'm the mom and I don't have a maid, yes these beings all miraculously came out of my womb, yes I'm happy to have a boy but that's not why I kept trying, yes I know I look haggard, thank you very much and just so you know, I love all of these shrieky little things and wouldn't trade any of them for the world.
14) You wonder why you thought that two wasn't enough
Many of my friends stopped at two so it sometimes makes me wonder why I didn't. Nope, wondering doesn't mean regretting at all. I do think about the times when I had only my two girls and how life has changed since the baby boy came along. It can be unconvincing to try to motivate people to go for their third one when they see how upside down my life is now, but for myself, I know I've never for a second looked back. Which brings me to the last point.
15) You go to bed with a thankful heart
It takes some time to tuck three kids into bed and when you've done so and the house is quiet, you take in all in - the golden silence, the short-lived down time, the feeling of accomplishment, yes, you feel like you've scaled Mount Everest after conquering a day of battles, setbacks, tantrums, whines, bickers and needs. Thrice. And when you do get some time to breathe, you feel the gratitude deep within, you know you are blessed, you feel thankful with every beat of your heart that you have three adorable little ones to love, to hug, to kiss, to look after and to live for.
Life is beautiful as a mom of three. Yes. I know it might not always look like it but trust me, it truly is. As for those eyebags, I think I can live with them for now because one day when the kids are all grown up, I might actually miss having to wake up in the middle of the night for somebody who needs me.
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This post is part of the "A SAHM's Story" series where I share my experiences, tips and reflections of being a stay-at-home mom. It takes a SAHM to truly understand another and while many might assume that we are tai tais or that we get to shake legs all day long, only we know the amount of toil and sweat we put in just to get past each day. Likewise, only we know the true rewards and unparalleled joy that this job has brought us. Being a mum, and one who gets to witness all her children's milestones and spend precious time with them every day, is still the best thing that has ever happened to me. While I gave my kids life, they gave me a reason to live.
