1. Leaving a bar before it closes. Whether I'm in New Jersey at Sona, at Rhino or The Whale in DC, or out and about in New York City, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before last call. Well, actually let's call a spade a spade, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before I'm being physically kicked out by the bouncers. In the case of Rhino, I'm not satisfied to leave unless I've helped clean up and every employee is on his or her way out. Of course, this habit is encouraged by my partner in crime, LAM, but no matter what I'm awful at leaving a bar before I'm being kicked out.
2. Pretending to give a sh!t about something I don't give a flying flip about. In general, when a situation, conversation, or environment is boring me, I have a very hard time pretending that it is not. I can be quite the staunchy brat. I can't pretend to have any interest in an issue, event, or cause that I'm not amused by. Luckily, when something does inspire me I can't shut up about it but I'm absolutely awful at pretending to give a crap about something that I could care less about.
I'm bored. Yawn.
3. Keeping in touch with my family. I really don't enjoy talking on the telephone so I lack the motivation to make those necessary phone calls. Are emails, Facebook messages, and texts personal enough in this lovely year of 2011? When it is just to say hello and ask how are ya, I'd say that they are acceptable forms of communication but that's just me. If a family member calls me, I'll call him or her back but I'm absolutely awful at contacting my family. I will try to be better.
I know, it's a very weak excuse. 4. Resisting snacks after 9pm. Now that I'm going to work all day and then spending more time at the gym than usual (thanks to Zumba), I have less time in front the television at night than I am accustomed to. Due in part to the lack of time, I have a routine when I come home in terms of what I eat. I usually have soup for dinner with a slice of bread (I love carbs), followed by a frozen chocolate fudge bar. This usually gets me to about 8:30-8:45pm. As I sit on the couch and watch my various shows, it's only a matter of time before I want to munch. Next, I'll pop a bag of popcorn and grab a handful of pretzels, which usually gets me to about 9:30-10pm. Then after that I usually have some frozen fruit...bananas, pineapples, and mango are my favorite with a dash of Splenda and then sometimes (if I'm feeling crazy) I have a Jell-O thingy. Nutritionists, trainers, and mothers have theories about what a cut off time for eating should be at night but I snack all the way until 11pm...or sometimes even later. I'll usually grab and handful of something on my way upstairs too. I can resist snacks during the day but I'm absolutely awful at resisting them after 9pm.
5. Faking it when I'm really drunk. Guys, I'm sorry but I can guarantee that you've been tricked at least once in your life. We fake it sometimes, it happens. For whatever reason, women typically have a much harder time. You would think that it would be easier when I'm drunk but it's not. First of all, if it's lame I just get really tired and want to sleep off the vodka. And secondly, I'm very much less aware of how my lack of emotion/passion/interest could hurt your feelings. My intoxicated self cares way less about your feelings and is not afraid to just stop and roll over. If you think about it, why do we fake it? It doesn't seem fair to us women. Are their poor wittle egos' just too fragile? That's a whole post in itself. Sorry, but I'm not sorry if you've been on the receiving end of my absolutely awful ability to fake it when I'm drunk.
Click this for Monica's explanation: "Most guys will hit 1, 2, 3 and then go to 7 and set up camp." I promise, you don't want to skip this one.
Hilarious
6. Estimating the amount of time I need to get ready. There's nothing I hate more than having to sit around once I'm dressed and ready. I try to to wait as long as possible but with a few minutes cushion before I start the process of showering, doing hair, and applying make-up. Whether I'm going to work, to dinner, to a party, or on a date I so quickly go from having all the time in the world to rushing. I can't stand being late but I'm absolutely awful at anticipating how much time I need to get ready.
7. Letting something go. If an experience I've really enjoyed, loved, or obsessed with is ending, I have a really hard time letting go. For example, before leaving Rhino after graduation, I wrote individual thank you cards, printed out pictures, cried my eyes out, and went back the next day to say goodbye one.more.time. I did the same for people at The Whale and McFadden's. I do this a lot. I write notes to everyone because I need them to know just how much I appreciate the experience. In terms of my personal relationships, whether with men or with friends, I will continue to fight until there is no fight left in me. I have to see and feel the bond break before I eventually try to let it go. When the rain is gone and I can see clearly, I'll let go of whatever it is but until then I'm absolutely awful at giving up on something that I genuinely care about.
8. Designated driving. Some of my friends can have a different, but still great time, being the designated driver. I know people who can sip on a drink or two throughout the entire night at the bar and keep a smile on their face. They don't mind being bumped into, stepped on, and grinded all up on by drunk fools while the rest of us throw back shots. Not me, I make "the face." My face, which Lauren impersonates so well, is a total fake smile, "Just happy to be here.....NOT." I enjoy being sober, in fact on occasion I can make a non-exciting situation a good time situation, but I'm absolutely awful at having a fabbbbulous time as the designated driver.
9. Holding back my opinion. I vent, you know it. The good, the bad, the ugly it all comes out one way or another. I'm absolutely awful at not telling it like it is.
10. Making decisions about food. As previously mentioned in #4, I have a food routine every night. Partly because it is a nice combination of carbs, salts, and sweets but also because it is so easy. Don't ever ask me where I want to eat on a Saturday night because "I don't know" or "I don't care" will certainly be my response. Rarely do I crave certain types of foods so asking me what I'm in the mood for is a waste of time as well. On a well-behaved day, I eat lettuce and grilled chicken. I'm rarely going to choose any place other than one that serves that so go where you want to go and I'll find something. I can tell you where I don't want to eat but I'm absolutely awful at making a quick decision about a restaurant.
11. Hiding my enthusiasm when a good song comes on. "Oooo! Omg, I love this song. Ohhh mahhhh gawd!" And then I do this little dip thing with my knees and shoulders, might even snap a little bit or bob my head. I'll immediately start to sing and sometimes close my eyes. I can't sing very well but I'm absolutely awful at hiding my passion for music.
12. Playing mind games. Maybe I hate them because I suck at them but really, I just don't understand them or the rules that go along with them. Sometimes I tell myself that I'm going to attempt to be more mysterious and aloof when it comes to men. I'll want to make them suffer a little bit and wonder wtf is going on in my head...rawr...but who am I kidding, I'm absolutely awful at it.
13. Holding a grudge. I'd much rather hash things out and get them over with. Put it in the past or else my teeth will undoubtedly start to hurt. Sure, if you piss me off I can be the witchiest witch you've ever met but I'm absolutely awful at feeling that way forever.
Sassarella Says...you are who you are for better or worse. Accept that there are just some aspects of you that aren't perfect. If you want to change and can work on those parts of you that are less than stellar, great, and if you can't then c'est la vie! I hope you noticed that some items on my absolutely awful list are not things that I would consider to be absolutely awful at all...just sayin'. Check back for things that I'm absolutely awesome at.
