12 Surefire Ways to Piss off Your Wife

1. Act like you weren’t just bórn yesterday, but like you also just moved in yesterday. Kitchen?! Where’s that?
2. Don’t hold your farts. Let them rip!
3. As soon as you spot your wife looking tired, quicky yawn loudly while proclaiming: ‘Geez, I’m soooo tired. I’m so glad I can depend on you to pull my weight honey!’
4. Say to your wife: ‘Three weeks vacation just isn’t enough for me. I’ll stay home another four weeks.’
5. As soon as your wife leaves the hole in the wall she likes to call her office, quickly sit yourself down on her chair, and start watching old Star Trek episodes. If possible: fart.
6. Don’t pay attention to the small print of products, thus making sure you come home with the wrong things
7. Go to bed after your wife, so you can step into a warm comfortable bed. Make sure to make lots of noise when you get in, and pull the duvet from her tired body.
8. As soon as you see your wife looking all happy and saying: ‘Finally! I’ve conquered the laundry!’ go and take a shower, and throw all your clothes on the ground.
9. Go to the bathroom and don’t close the bathroom door, so everybody can hear what you’re doing in there.
10. Answer every question your wife asks you, with a question of your own: ‘I don’t know?’ That way she’ll never have anything on you!
11. Throw fruit into the fruitbasket without getting rid of the plastic packaging.
12. Tell your wife that the birth of your children was just as painful for you as it was for her. It’s really hard to see someone you love suffer like that. In fact you still bear the scars from that terrible experience!