Just when you think you know everything there is to know about Menopause, you find out some pretty weird stuff. I put together a little list of weird things I have either experienced or someone I know has. Now I’m no doctor, but if you have questions, you might want to call one. Because my response will be, “drink 2 margaritas and call me in the morning.” HA
- Disappearing Eyebrows: I have noticed my left eyebrow has just up and disappeared. I never had a lot of hair anyway and never had to pluck or have them waxed. But I damn sure didn’t think I would wake up one day and have half a brow! I could draw it on but by mid-day I would sweat it off and scare kids and animals everywhere I went. So I just deal with it. Maybe if I rub some Rogaine on it?
- Weird Rashes: Not much to say here. I just know there are weird rashes that can pop up anywhere on your body and the doctor will probably say it’s just menopause because they really have no idea. Unless you have measles or something like that. But it could be shingles. OMG, now I am worried!
- Bloating: No I didn’t say go boating, I said bloating. You know, when you are feeling pregnant but you know you’re not. When you can’t even hold your tummy in and you seriously are considering a tummy tuck. They say exercise will help this. Um, ok.
- Becoming Crazy: Huh. Just when I thought everyone else was crazy I found out it was me. You start to lose your mind and scream at inanimate objects or you can’t find your keys (they are in your hand) or you use your phone’s flash light app to find your phone under the couch. Yep, crazy. Oh and when you start to spell simple words and then you have to google it because it doesn’t look right? You are now crazy.
- Anxiety: I already had an anxiety issue and menopause cranked that up about 500 knots. I spent an entire week on my couch because I was so convinced I was dying or having a heart attack. My hubby finally took me to the doctor who told me I was NOT crazy and just suffering the menopausal anxiety attacks. I’m on meds now so the world is safe for the time being.
- Your Vagina or Other Organs Fall Out: Wait, whaaaaaaaaa? YEP. I was told my cervix was loose and if I felt like it was coming out to get to the ER right away. ARE YOU KIDDING ME????????????? Then someone told me their intestines came out during menopause. STOP THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the most disturbing symptom ever. I swear if anything starts to fall out, I will have all my insides removed except what I absolutely have to have to live. FOR THE LOVE!
- Eye and Muscle Twitches: This one is a no brainer. My family sees my eye twitch and they run. But the leg twitches at night are so annoying. Someone told me to drink pickle juice. Nope. A shot of Jägermeister helps though. (Or so I’ve heard).
- Heat Intolerance: Now I am a summer girl for sure. I used to walk or ride a bike in 100 degree weather and 100% humidity. Now not so much. I would still rather be a little warm than cold. But if it’s 85 or above I need AC or an ice bath. I feel like I will die if it’s really hot.
- Confusion: (See #4 too). Sometimes a person may tell me something and I have this confused look on my face and have to have them explain again. Like the one time my girlfriend said, “let’s go get a salad for lunch” and I was like, “I’m not sure I heard that right, can you repeat it?” Or I’m driving to work and end up at Target instead. So confusing…
- Weird Dreams: We’ve all had weird dreams but lately they have been beyond weird. Like the one where my husband keeps trying to leave me and I kill him and bury in the basement. But the weird thing is we don’t have a basement? I know right!
- Road Rage: Ok I admit this is just something I was born with. Could just be hereditary but it has gotten worse. I don’t like chase anyone down or threaten anyone except inside my car with the windows up. But if those windows are ever down by accident? Well hopefully someone will show up with the bail money.
These are just a few fun things to look for during menopause. I am sure they don’t happen to everyone but, keep an eye out. Join a wine support group, or talk with your girlfriends. If everyone else looks at you funny, talk to a doctor. But remember, this too shall pass and if you can laugh, you can live through it!
Cheers Y’all!
