Samuel Langhorne Clemens, known as his pseudonym Mark Twain, was an American writer journalist, humorist businessman as well as a lecturer, publisher and novelist. Twain became famous internationally due to the success of his travel stories, including The Innocents Abroad (1869), Roughing It (1872) as well as Life on the Mississippi (1883) as well as for his tales of adventure from childhood, particularly The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885). He invented the iconic characters Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. He was described as one of the “greatest humorist the United States has produced” in addition, William Faulkner called him “the father of American literature”. Enjoy his wit and insight with These Mark Twain Quotes.
Mark Twain Quotes
1. “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
― Mark Twain
2. “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.”
― Mark Twain
3. “Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple’s sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.”
― Mark Twain
4. “The Bible has noble poetry in it… and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.”
― Mark Twain
5. “The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man’s.”
― Mark Twain
6. “Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
― Mark Twain
Quotes by Mark Twain
7. “I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
― Mark Twain
8. “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
― Mark Twain
9. “If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.”
― Mark Twain
10. “There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”
― Mark Twain
11. “The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it”
― Mark Twain
12. “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”
― Mark Twain
13. “Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.”
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain Quote
14. “Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).”
― Mark Twain
15. “We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.”
― Mark Twain
16. “The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.”
― Mark Twain
17. “I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”
― Mark Twain
18. “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain
19. “Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child’s loss of a doll and a king’s loss of a crown are events of the same size.”
― Mark Twain
20. “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
― Mark Twain
Famous Mark Twain Quotes
21. “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”
― Mark Twain
22. “The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.”
― Mark Twain
23. “Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.”
― Mark Twain
24. “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
― Mark Twain
25. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
― Mark Twain
26. “Do something everyday that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
― Mark Twain
Twain Quotes
27. “In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.”
― Mark Twain
28. “A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn’t.”
― Mark Twain
29. “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”
― Mark Twain
30. “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.”
― Mark Twain
31. “Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain
32.“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
― Mark Twain
33. “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain Quotes about Life
34. “There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.”
― Mark Twain
35. “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
― Mark Twain
36. “It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”
― Mark Twain
37. “The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.”
― Mark Twain
38. “I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain Quotes
39. “Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”
― Mark Twain
40. “It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.”
― Mark Twain
41. “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”
― Mark Twain
42. “My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.”
― Mark Twain
43. “Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
― Mark Twain
44. “There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.”
― Mark Twain
45. “It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.”
― Mark Twain
Quotes by Mark Twain
46. “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”
― Mark Twain
47. “If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.”
― Mark Twain
48. “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”
― Mark Twain
49. “Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.”
― Mark Twain
50. “Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.”
― Mark Twain
51. “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
― Mark Twain
52. “Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
― Mark Twain
53. “Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
― Mark Twain
54. “Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.”
― Mark Twain (Author)
Mark Twain Quotes
55. “Censorship is telling a man he can’t have a steak just because a baby can’t chew it.”
― Mark Twain
56. “That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.”
― Mark Twain
57. “Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
― Mark Twain
58. “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”
― Mark Twain
59. “Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”
― Mark Twain
60. “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”
― Mark Twain
61. “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.”
― Mark Twain
62. “You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?”
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain Quotes About Life
63. “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”
― Mark Twain
64. “The easy confidence with which I know another man’s religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
― Mark Twain
65. “When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.”
― Mark Twain
66. “In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
― Mark Twain
67. “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
― Mark Twain
68. “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
― Mark Twain
69. “There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.”
― Mark Twain
70. “He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.”
― Mark Twain
71. “If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”
― Mark Twain
Famous Mark Twain Quotes
72. “The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.”
― Mark Twain
73. “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
― Mark Twain
74. “Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.”
― Mark Twain
75. “There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”
― Mark Twain
76. “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.”
― Mark Twain
77. “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
― Mark Twain
78. “When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.”
― Mark Twain
79. “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
― Mark Twain
80. “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
― Mark Twain
81. “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
― Mark Twain
82. “Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.”
― Mark Twain
83. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
― Mark Twain
Quotes by Mark Twain
84. “Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.”
― Mark Twain
85. “Good judgment is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgment.”
― Mark Twain
86. “Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”
― Mark Twain
87. “Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
― Mark Twain
88. “When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.”
― Mark Twain
89. “After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.”
― Mark Twain
90. “The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.”
― Mark Twain
91. “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
― Mark Twain
92. “Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.”
― Mark Twain
93. “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
― Mark Twain
94. “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.”
― Mark Twain
95. “Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.”
― Mark Twain
96. “What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.”
― Mark Twain
Mark Twain Quotes
97. “Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ”
― Mark Twain
98. “Don’t wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality”
― Mark Twain
99. “A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”
― Mark Twain
100. “I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”
― Mark Twain
101. “A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?”
― Mark Twain
102. “Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.”
― Mark Twain
103. “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
― Mark Twain
Last Words
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