FAMILY.
The problem…
When it comes to organising families for a wedding day, you will not please everyone. Who to invite, who they want to invite, mothers and mothers in law all up in your grill. You are bound to piss someone off. I would like to pretend that all families are supportive and understanding of your wishes, but the truth is, when it comes to weddings, many family members seem to forget that a wedding day is about the bride and groom and not about themselves and their often unreasonable wants and needs.
The solution…
While I would love to tell you that the solution is as simple as telling them all to shove it, it is not the best way to start your marriage so here are three steps that may help* (*results may differ).
1. Put yourself in their shoes. While it irks me a little to even write that, often family get in a tizz about things that are about them, not you. While this may seem rather selfish, try to understand the reason behind their emotion/words/demanding behavior. Ultimately you want to make the day a great one for all, and while I am in no way suggesting you give in to every request, trying to see things from your families perspective will help with the next step…
2. Talk about it. Instead of brushing issues under the carpet (us kiwis are especially guilty of this) talk it out. Make time to speak to the person alone, as often giving family a chance to be heard is simply enough to solve the problem. When talking about the issue use ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ to not only remind the person in the nicest way possible that it is your wedding day, but to ensure that they do not feel under attack or disrespected. Oh and try to listen without being defensive (eeek) Now you are ready to…
3. Negotiate (within reason) If you can come up with compromise to keep all parties happy then you are freaken superstar. Ask them for suggestions on how to solve the ‘problem’ as you will be surprised how quickly people back away when asked to come up with a solution themselves. If you have tried your best to follow each step with kindness and sincerity (gulp) and you still can’t keep the peace, then you might want to give them a choice to attend the wedding under your rules… or (ever so subtly) not attend at all. Ouch.
LOOKING & FEELING FABULOUS (OR NOT SO FABULOUS)
The problem…
We all want to look and feel fabulous on our wedding day, but many of us (me included) simply wing it when it comes to the beauty side of things for our wedding day. I learnt this lesson the hard way (it still pisses me off when I see the photos) and all it would have taken was a little extra money for a hair trial. If you don’t feel like a million dollars on your wedding day because of your hair/dress choice/the makeup artist who made you look like a clown, then you are going to have some serious regrets.
The solution…
1. Practice makes perfect. As a bride who ended up with a wedding day hair do that would have made Kylie Minogue proud (back when she was going out with Jason) this is something I highly recommended. When it comes to your hair/makeup/spray tan etc HAVE A TRIAL RUN. It is money well spent, and trust me, you wont get a chance to do anything about it on the day if it is not looking as you hoped.
2. Hire professionals. Spend the most you can afford on your hair and makeup. While your friend’s friend (of a friend) might be an ‘amazeballs makeup artist’ according to what so and so has heard, when it comes to all things beauty go with a professional or someone that you know first hand is amazing. Ask around (even ask other wedding suppliers) and when you finally find the perfect match arrange a time for a trial! There is no point investing in an amazing photographer if you can’t stand looking at the images afterwards (trust me!)
3. Go dress shopping by yourself first. It is so easy to prematurely fall in love when it comes to dress shopping, and when you have an entourage of opinionated woman in tow the whole experience can be a little overwhelming. Go by yourself and try on a few dresses, just to get the feel for what it is you like. ALWAYS try on a few totally random dresses that you wouldn’t usually pick of the rack, you will be amazed at how different dresses look on and without the pressure of family and friends there you might just be surprised at what you like. Once you have narrowed it down to a few styles then let the entourage return.
Also if you are buying something from China give yourself lots of time in case it turns out to be a dud, and prepare to spend extra on a second dress. While there are many success stories, there are also a lot of horror stories so being prepared will mean you do not have to wear the dud on your big day.
If you would like to check out last weeks lessons you will find them here! xox
