.

Its day three of my cleanse.  All dairy and animal products have been removed from my diet, and now I must eliminate starch and sugars…tomorrow grain.  I have a list of puritanically healthy things to get from the supermarket, and recipes for soups and stews all neatly written out by hand.

I have applications for three part-time jobs underway and my CV up for renewal.  My yoga practice is already done, pranayama and meditation too.

I lit candles and watched the flames.  Every motion, every breath….right now…be in the moment.

I learnt that a distant friend passed away yesterday.

Distant enough, that my world just carries on, but I can still feel the ricochets of devastation to those nearby.  I want to reach out to them.  I will never forget that pain of sudden loss.  It doesn’t matter how far you’ve come, or how much you’ve learnt to accept, the smallest of triggers and you’re right back there again.

I wish that we could talk more freely about death and loss.  Allow it to be a part of our everyday conversation.  Maybe we would learn how to reach out to people, and how to comfort.  Maybe we would develop the skills, the language, to say what we mean without having to reach that dreadful point where you’re forced to  make a decision between inadequate cliches, or remaining silent.

This most recent loss – a once prominent character in a distant land, at a distant time will make me pause for a moment or two.  Reflect on the past, my present, and deepen my resolve to carry on the path I’m on.  For others, for the wonderful friends I’d made when living in Bangkok – everything will stop.  My heart goes out to them.