The Mission: Bond is initially sent to assassinate a South Korean General by posing as a smuggler of conflict diamonds. During the course of the mission he gets captured and tortured. After being exchanged back to the British he goes rogue in an attempt to finish the job.
Locales: North Korea, South Korea and the little bit in between. Hong Kong, Cuba, England and Iceland.
Gadgets: A ring that emits a high pitch sound that breaks glass. Bond’s watch contains the usual detonator and laser cutter. A mini-radar dish which is also a knife for some reason. The mini-air supply that he used 40 years earlier but for some reason still carries around. A VR machine that can be used for combat training or banging your co-workers.
Vehicles: A surfboard, which for some reason is used for stealthy infiltration of a hostile nation. I also has a compartment for gadgets. An invisible car that is noiseless and kitted out with the usual gadgets.
Also this.
Sidekicks: Mr. Chang, a hotel owner who helps Bond and then betrays him and then helps him. In one scene. Also Raoul, a sleeper agent and Cuban stereotype.
The Girls: We have Jinx, a mentally defective NSA agent whose parentage no doubt included a plank of wood. She likes to get kidnapped and spout some of the world’s most awkward innuendos. Also Miranda Frost who is secretly an MI6 agent who is secretly a double agent.
The Enemy: General Moon of the North Korean army and Gustav Graves, smarmy British guy. Who are the same person.
Evil Plot: Disguise himself as a British person by having his bone marrow sucked out and replaced with different DNA and then build a giant laser in space and use it to blow up a minefield.
Distinguishing Features: When Moon decided to go British, he went British. He also builds himself a robot suit that looks like something Tony Stark shat out.
Secret Lair: Obviously the indecisive type as he has both a giant ice palace and a giant airplane from which he operates from.
Henchmen: Miranda Frost stand near him quite often. He also has ‘Mister Kil’ who only exists to say his name while scowling and is played by the leader of the Uruk hai from Followship of the Ring (really). There’s also a comic relief scientist type who forgets to do anything funny. Finally we have Zao, a bad-ass guy who looked awesome with diamonds embedded in his facial scars but later resembled a discolored jelly baby.
The longer he’s in your pocket the squishier he gets.
Facts About the Movie
Politically Incorrect Behaviour: Both sides of the Korean border got unhappy about this one, but it was properly because the film is rubbish.
Notable Firsts: This movie marked the first instance of the lead actor quitting the franchise if the producers continued to make movies like this. We don’t blame him.
Random Trivia: There’s plenty for Bond enthusiasts to spot in the movie as the producers have dug up everyone old prop they could find instead of coming up with ideas that aren’t stupid.
Among the terrible marketing tie-ins created for the film were a set of 007 Barbie Dolls and a range of cosmetics named after Jinx’s shudder-inducing innuendos. I didn’t make that up.
When you pull the string she says “Now there’s a mouthful”.
Although a movie centered on Jinx was suggested and a screenwriter spent two months on it, the idea was scrapped. Halle Berry is so keen to play the character again that she has offered to do it for free. No-one has taken her up on the offer.
24 companies paid $120 million for product placement, at the time a new record.
The theme song, performed by Madonna, was nominated for Worst Original Song at the Razzies.
Roger Moore described the invisible car as being a ‘low point’ for the series, and he was in Moonraker.
Even though the movie had been scripted, rehearsed as was preparing to shoot the only people cast more than month before the cameras rolled were Brosnan, Dench, Bond and Cleese, who were already on contract.
After Die Another Day the only appearance director Lee Tamahori has made in the mainstream press was when he was arrested after offering to perform oral sex on an undercover police officer in exchange for money. He was dressed as a woman at the time. I’m not making that up either.
