Humor Magazine

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

By Regectedriter @regectedriter

An Event SO BIG it needs its own Banner:

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

WHO DID THAT TO THOSE PUMPKINS?!

I’m easily amused.

Anywho, this is basically going to be a week of posts incorporating regection with Halloween.

Don’t forget to click here vote to help me decide what costume I’ll be wearing on Halloween! I’ll be dressing up like the losers throughout the week, with the big reveal next Monday.  ROCK ON!

Speaking of losers and a convenient segway,

A few days ago, I asked you all what your least favorite candy was and an OVERWHELMING amount of you listed two not even in the running.  Talk about a backward Cinderella story.

Your revulsion at the very thought of them made your teeth shake and the saliva just evaporate from your tongue.  There is no candy in the universe that is hated more than these two guys.  Make sure to fill your candy bowls with chocolate, gum, even apples and pennies.  Do not enlist the help of these candies unless you want kids and their parents to go running from your home, screaming in absolute terror.

That’s right. I am talking about:

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

I’m talking about Candy Corn (or as Lizzie McMizzie says “THE FEAST OF CAVITY-RIDDLED DEMONS”) and Black Licorice aka “Black Rubber”, “Burnt Tar”, and “Dirty Socks”.

I was shocked SHOCKED at how passionate people are about the disgust of both of these candies cause, especially since I happen to love black licorice.  I actually went out to the store to purchase some because I was like Well, more for me!

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!
I also turned into PAC-MAN.

As I was munching on my delicious licorice (say it three times fast!), I imagined a conversation that might take place between the two of these regected treats…

CC: You know what I find particularly funny?

BL: This blog?

CC: Hahaha no

BL: I know, right?  I can’t believe we’re featured on this rag

CC: It makes me so sad. Where did life go wrong for us, Lic?

BL: I think it all began when my batch of sugar gelatin got mixed up with some shoe leather

CC: I COULDA BEEN SOMETHIN! I COULDA BEEN A Cupid Corn

BL: Cupid Corn?

CC:

Zombies and Candy and Regection, Oh MY!

BL: Honestly, that looks just as disgusting

CC: What do you know, you could have been in a shoe

BL:  At least people like me more than they like you

CC: At least people are guaranteed to hand me out at parties because I’m thematically appealing

BL: FORGET YOU! I’m gonna go make it on my own!

CC: Nobody likes you

BL: No, Candy Corn. Nobody likes US.  Are you crying?

CC: I just want to be loved, Lic! I just want to be loved.

And then I ate them both, because even though I don’t particularly like candy corn, I’m always fascinated by no matter how many I eat, I can’t seem to taste them.  Seriosuly, what do they taste like besides pure dyed sugar?

And then I wonder why my face is vibrating.

And thus ends the sad, sad tale of these two regected treats.  Show them a little love.  And then eat your chocolate instead.

 


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :