I'm busy this morning taking the bionic woman Memsahib to the hospital to see about fitting her with a second new hip. I should be back this afternoon. In the meantime, to kick start your week, I begin with some ill-remembered rhymes from childhood!
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.
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Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
'What have you got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon,
'Pies, you dumb ass' !!
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
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Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
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There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, jewels and a sports car.
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Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day
to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.
One day Russ didn't show up. Fred didn't think much about it and figured maybe
he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred
didn't know
Where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.
A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Fred approached the park and-- lo and behold!--there sat Russ!
Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.
Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?'
Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'
'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her. What about her?
'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed
rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got
into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
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A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "on heat', agreed to look after her neighbor`s male dog while the neighbors were on vacation.
She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked on me," he replied.
