You Want My Fries?

I’ve been eating a lot of vegetables lately.
And I’ve stopped lurking about in doorways.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Week Two of the Atkins and Week Three of an Abrupt Cessation of a Slight Smoking Habit.  I’ll be your host on this tour through the state of my head and my unrelenting craving for a little something sweet.
Just a little something!
A summer of skirts does strange things to one’s expectations, tailoring-wise, and it was late September when I found the rediscovery of full-time trousers to be a sobering one.
Seems my pants mighta gotten a little tight. 
Frankly, the seams that made their appearances on my thighs were an insult to thighs everywhere. 
Don’t misunderstand me.  I’ve nothing against seams.  I enjoy a good seam.  But to see them so blatantly stamped into my pale, yielding flesh was – and is – too much.
So I’ve taken a stand. 
For me. 
For us. 
Would you like a salad the size of your torso?  Because I currently have, in my fridge, every vegetable known to man.  You can only imagine how exciting dining with me can be. 
But wait! While one is actively turning away from cinnamon rolls and English muffins and – gulp – baked potatoes and wondering what else one can do with eggplant, why not pile it on and kick that nasty smoking habit? 
Lately, I’m all about the self-denial.
No, I’m not.
Yes, I am.
It’s been just over three weeks since I’ve had a cigarette.  I’ve had opportunity to test my willpower, something I’ve done while drinking and then hanging out of doors, gazing longingly at the group from which I’ve only recently graduated while they inhale and exhale.
Selfish bastages.
And there you have it.  Weeks Two and Three of the New and Improved Pearl:  You can have her dessert and she’ll save your spot while you go have a smoke. 
Have a good weekend, everyone.  Come back tomorrow.