Ginger Sooty filed this from Copacabananananana Beach last night.
Hello,
The Sausage of Destiny with Big Phil
As you will know Brazil are out!
Their coach “Big” Phil blames the magical sausage he put so much faith in pre-tournament.
Nothing to do with the fact that the team spent their time wailing and gnashing their teeth like a cult of poorly coiffured neurotic evangelical Christians who thought the direct route to God could be achieved by kicking the shite out of their opponents.
David Luiz, their louche center back even prayed to Big Phil’s banger of destiny - to no avail .
Such is the shock in Brazil that yesterday temperatures rose by 2 degrees Celsius in central Rio de Janeiro as the city’s populace becalmed their buttocks in shock at the thrashing handed out by the Raiders from the Rhine. Sashaying will resume Sunday by Government decree.
The football has become increasingly sterile and apart from the collapse of Brazil against the Teutonic Titans nothing of any merit has occurred.
Even that cheating, diving bashtard Arjen Robben of the Netherlandsh couldn’t enliven the bore fesht that was der shemi final with Argnteenar. There were hopesh he would replicate der now infamoush “I tripped ova der Mexican’sh shaushage to earn der penlti,” incident.
Sadly not and the Argentinians went through.
Pope Argie celebrated by blessing his fence.
Other Things You May Have Missed
The Costa Rica team have been offered free Trans Gender surgery as a gift from a grateful nation for reaching the quarter finals. As yet none of the players have taken up this offer.
Chile forward Sancho Pancho Poncho Panpipe Parper was awarded a special medal by FIFA for over coming a dry scalp during the match against Brazil.
Pogues legend Shane McGowan announced his retirement from international football.
Gollum has announced his retirement from international football.
Benedict Cumberbatch announced he would be available for selection for England once again after patching up things with England manager Roy “Watson” Hodgson. Benedict told Gfb, “I need to play off the main striker and not wide left. That way the lads’ll get the best out of me.”
Enjoy the World Cup – nearly finished
