They say money can't buy happiness. I'm not sure who "they" are, but they aren't entirely right. In the short term, at least, money can indeed increase someone's happiness. We've all grown up in a capitalist society that has taught us from an early age that the accumulation of wealth is the ultimate goal. I began asking first year college students about their goals 20 years ago, and to this day, finding a high-paying job is still consistently in the top 3. Not only have we been conditioned to be good workers, but we've been taught to believe that all the sacrifices and challenges will be worth it as long as we achieve some level of wealth. By default, that wealth would then lead to happiness.
And yet, mental health concerns are at an all-time high, despite record low unemployment rates and a strong economy. We'll set aside, for the moment, social inequity and systemic oppression that mean that wealth is not distributed equitably. We are, by many accounts, the most wealthy nation in the world and yet it turns out we simply need that wealth for more pills and therapy sessions. Now, before I get ahead of myself, let me be clear that I think therapy is very important and a wonderful asset to wellbeing for those that can afford it. In a round about way, though, this is a discussion of where we find our happiness.
There is a robust body of research looking at happiness, where it comes from, and how long it lasts. We look at the differences between what we truly want and what others tell us we should want, and we find that when we can identify our wants and go after them, we are much happier. Think about the child who grew up being told they were going to be a doctor or a lawyer, spent several years in college (or even beyond) training to be just that, and then finally acknowledged it wasn't what they wanted. The moment they changed their major or switched careers, a weight was lifted and their happiness increased. We put a lot of pressure on young people to decide "what they want to be when they grow up", usually at an age where they can't possibly know what that profession entails. They simply know it comes with external prestige and it pays well.
The balance between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation is key. Where is the drive to achieve coming from? One study of varsity collegiate athletes found that 20 years later, the walk-on students (no scholarship) were more likely than the scholarship athletes to still be playing or interested in their sport. The extrinsic motivation (the scholarship) had actually decreased happiness and interest in the sport. The internal drive had been lowered.
Studies like this should give us pause as we think about how we encourage young people to "follow their dreams" and "find something they love". The hidden message has always been that those dreams will matter more as long as they fit certain criteria, and we'll reward them accordingly. We are actually saying "follow your dreams...as long as they fall into one of these specific categories".
The differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation also have plenty of implications for the workplace. We can pour more and more perks into the company pool, and salaries can increase with bonuses and strategic raises, but if someone doesn't actually enjoy the work, the happiness won't be there. Sooner or later, the employee won't be there either. Parents, teachers, and employers should be asking folks where they find happy, and we should sit back and listen. Save the carrot for the rabbit and lend an ear.
