Let me start with the good.
The counter tops in the kitchen went in today, and are absolutely the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen. Besides my kids…of course, duh, but I mean, so amazing.
{I know, I got the tops everyone told me not to choose, which I’ll explain later…}
I nearly didn’t notice them, however, because I spent the entire day managing this terrible trim guy we hired. Our original guy was awesome, but he had to leave on tour before he was able to finish everything. Hey, and if there’s one thing we understand it’s having to leave for a tour when a tour calls! Anyhow this most recent guy was just simply awful. I mean, you guys, he came in with all of these promises: “don’t leave until I’m done” “work fast, be done in 4 days” “I’m so precise with our cuts that we don’t even use caulk…”
Needless to say, nothing he said was true. We hired him 14 days ago and he has worked 5. He kept leaving to do other jobs, even though he promised to be done with ours last week. We made 2 changes to things he had done and he flipped out, calling us “unpleaseable.” Then, he mis-cut our stair handrail and blamed it on his helper. We had to rush and get another one locally (which he couldn’t find so I did) and completely redo the entire thing. He no-showed for 3 days in a row. He wasted so much of our time we are now looking at having to move into a hotel if we can’t get caught up really quickly. He made a huge mess in our home and garage. He would not show up day after day, promising that he would be there the next day, and then not answer his phone or texts while we sat there waiting on him. He left for good yesterday with tons of loose ends and entire rooms unfinished.
To top it off he was terrible around our house these past two days once he had finally come back. He started doing really crappy work, and when I called him out on it he blamed it on our painters for painting his work too quickly. (what?) He started yelling about how all of our walls weren’t perfectly square, and that all the floors weren’t perfectly level (it’s an old house, on a hill, so perhaps he’s not used to remodels?) He started making negative comments about our other work (painters, previous trim work, framing, cabinetry, etc.)
Anyhow, I do have a point here, and it’s a good one.
Once I got to talking to him I discovered why he was acting the way he was. I told him that this situation was really hard because we were used to having a great relationship with the workers, and had even become friends with many of them. (Our cabinet maker had just called to invite us to a CD-release party at his place – fun!!) How the harmony in our home was really important to us and that his behavior was unprofessional. That we expect for him to do what he has said he will do.
“I don’t have friends.” He scowled. “I’m not here to make friends. Life is hard. You work, and you go home.” He also ended up telling me that he was wanting to get our job over with as soon as possible so that he could go try to finish jobs for other people who were also mad at him. We asked him to tell us specifically why he was mad at us. And he couldn’t. He said he was just really angry, but not able to pin down a reason why.
Ah. There it was.
Almost instantly my anger turned to sadness and compassion. What a sad, lost soul. He even yelled at one of his young sons who works for him that if he “didn’t fix that crap that he did (a messed up door trim) that he wouldn’t have a job on Monday.”
All three guys working for him seemed miserable and I was reminded of how horribly sad some people choose to be. This affects others in a very real way, and makes for a poor working and living environment. The brilliant Donald Miller wrote a bit about that HERE.
It is tragic to me that he has chosen a life of such misery.
Because bad things happen. Frustrations happen. It is a natural, normal part of everyday life. When he started our job he was friendly, and even enjoyable…until we made a change to something he had done.
But one thing I have learned through this process is that joy doesn’t have to be taken away just because things don’t go the “right” way. Not only my joy, but my countenance doesn’t even have to drastically change with my circumstances. There have been countless frustrations during this process and they used to really get me down. I would fret through the night over them, and let them consume my daily thoughts.
But I’ve finally realized (it’s SO simple!) that the things that I can’t control can either wreck my day, or I can choose to let them roll off my shoulders and continue to be thankful and joyful…and even, stay in a good mood!
I’m also not talking about a denial of circumstances or ignoring reality. Whether I get all bent out of shape or not isn’t going to change that we are a week behind on our move-in now. I am choosing to not let it upset me that this man said rude things about me, my husband, our our other workers.
My day will be ruled by what I know to be true, not an angry person’s opinion of me.
He’s the second person who has behaved this way, so I am learning to not let someone else steal my joy. That I can be empathetic towards a situation without taking it on as my own personal burden.
It’s been amazing actually. Even though it has caused some stress, extra work, and a lot of time, I’m so thankful to be learning this. I’ve had an easy, steady joy unlike anything I’ve known before, during some of the most exhausting, difficult months of my life.
So anyhow, our awesome painter Omar (who I wrote about HERE) recommended a trim guy who is going to come finish our job Monday or Tuesday.
It’s all going to work out. We will move in. It may be later than we had hoped, but we will. It’s still our dream home and no one can take that excitement away!
PS – almost forgot that our car broke down yesterday too! We had just spent $1000 getting it fixed, and have only had it back a few weeks. Thank goodness I added that roadside assistance to our insurance plan!
My mom asked me when I would be able to rest. July. I told her. I’ll rest in July.
live well. be well.
