Humor Magazine

Well It’s Just a Good Thing I’m Here, That’s All I’m Saying

By Pearl
I hate to brag – despite being the possessor of an “innie”, all my own toes, and a bank account numbering in the tens – but I recently saved the life of a stranger.
Or at least a leg. 
Look at him.  He is staring, this young man, into the face of a device.  You know the device.  Everyone’s talking about them.  You can stare at them and walk into traffic and not miss an update or an invitation to a Happy Hour.
It’s the end of the day, and I am stopped at the cross walk, waiting for the light.  I look – as is my wont – in both directions several times.  The Nicollet Mall is closed to all but buses and taxis.  Because of this, many pedestrians lose their natural-born fear of things much faster than themselves.
But not this gal.  Not ol’ Pearl. 
The young man across the street, however, seems to have been born without this fear. 
I watch from the curb as he approaches from the other side of the street.   Brain-deep in his phone, I can see that in the next five, six steps, he’s going to be in the street.
I look up the street in time to see a hard-pedaling bike bearing down.
A bike messenger. 
Holy Hannah.
BIKE MESSENGER!
Bike Messenger has the light.  There’s no reason for him to stop. 
I look forward as Mr. Distracted steps onto Nicollet.
“LOOK OUT!”   It’s the loudest I’ve been this year.
The man with the phone looks up.  “What?”
Bike man swerves, just a bit, and speeds on.  “DUDE!” And then, a moment later, “THANKS, LADY!”
Mr. Distracted says nothing.
But I smile anyway.  Because I didn’t do it for the thanks.
I did it because I didn’t want to witness the crash.

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