Weightless.....

SoYou know the way I've been not weighing myselfAnd don't even keep a scales in the house anymore WellThis morning My usual doctor was back And as I sat in the seat opposite himThe scales beckoned me I asked if I could weigh myself He said sureSo I kicked of my trainers And walked over to said scales I tapped it Waited for it to stop flashing And tentatively stepped onThe numbers bounced around Until they settled on an amount I looked And registered the number in my brain I'm up two kilos At first I felt massive disappointment Failure even My doctor asked me what the number wasAnd I reluctantly told himI didn't really hear anything else he said after that I was lost in my own weight related thoughts I left the room My head spinning I looked at my reflection in the glass on the way out I looked the same I looked okDid these two kilos even matter?Right then it didIt mattered more than anything else in the world 
I headed up to the pharmacy Handed in my script And sat down to blog I have to sayAfter the initial shock of seeing the numberI already had a diet plan in mind I was already buying a new scale And a new notebook to record my weightBut as I wrote I was reminded of all the good things on my life at the moment I meanDoes two kilos even matter?I began to feel a little better thenI know my weight can fluctuate wildly And I'm actually sorry that I weighed myself Nothing else happened this morning I didn't gain two kilos since this morning And I was ok with my weight this morningThe only thing that has changed since then Is that I weighed myself I measured my self worth in kilos and grams And that is just not right 
So noI won't be crash dieting I won't be weighing myself regularly I won't watch what I eat This is the weight that my body needs to be at right now It's a healthy weight for my heightI am no where near over weight Everything is okI am ok Just the way I am At first I felt a massive urge to buy a new scale But I didn't And I won't I know that is a slippery slope I'm not even going to work out my BMIIt doesn't matter Not one little bit 
I just have to keep my eye on the prize On all the good things that are happening for me at the moment Am I going to let two kilos ruin that?Absolutely no way Not in this life Not to this girl I actually now regret weighing myself No good ever comes from itAnd I end up feeling like a failure A waste of space But the n msun thing is That I keep my head and take each day as it comes Shift by shiftHour by hour I'm in tomorrow and Thursday for more training And I officially start on Friday evening A four hour shiftThe next four days I have full days I just hope I can do this and I don't make a total mess of it I will do my best That's all I can do
Having said all that I was wondering about you Do you work?Are you fullOr part time?How long have you been working?What do you do?And do you enjoy it?Have you any tips for me?Inquiring minds want to know... Xx