W is for Weight!

Another ED related postBut there aren't a whole lot of words beginning with WSo weight it isAnd it is topical Given my last post
FirstI want to thank you all for your valued feed back on my last postI know you all have my best interests at heartAnd I really appreciate thatI've decided not to go ahead with the media companyIt just didn't feel rightIt almost felt like the photos I provided weren't shocking enoughAnd that is really sadI could go ahead and share the ones of me in my underwear But they are so very personalI just don't feel at all comfortable with it
You all made some really good points about the story they wanted to runEmaciated girl gets healthy is a popular theme The before and after The shocking and the victory From illness to recovery That story has been told a million timesWhat about the majority of sufferers who are not underweight?And who have never been physically compromisedThat story is almost never toldBecause it's not sensationalThere are no emaciated bodiesNo pointy bones Or sharp angles The story of say the girl with bulimiaWho is a healthy weight Just doesn't capture the attention of an audience But as you wrote yesterday It's that story that needs to be toldSo people are aware that EDs come in all shapes and sizesNot just super skinny
I have stopped weighing myself My scales broke And I was weighing in my doctors surgery on a MondayBut I've stopped doing that nowWhy?Because it doesn't matter The number does not matter All I'm concerned about Is that I feel goodI feel strong I feel capable and ableMy clothes fitMy hair and nails and skin are healthyUnless I drastically lose or put on weightI am not going to worry about it And you know what?It is the best feeling in the world Letting go of that pressure and controlI feel like a weight has been lifted off meNow I have so much to stay healthy forSo much to live forI am no longer Ruby the anorectic/bulimic/addictI am in recovery I am a work in progressI am letting go of the ties that bound meDrugs AlcoholCigarettes Unhealthy food habitsI was at a meeting yesterdayAnd after itSomeone came up to meAnd said that it was really good listening to meThat made my dayBecause now I feel I have something to offer the world I feel I can help others Be a good person And spread a message of hopeBecause there is hopeThere is always hope I feel so blessed for what I have in my life My family My dogs My friends I have such good and strong people around me I know I am more fortunate than most 
If you do one thing todayI urge you to recognize the good things in your life The people The pets The family and friends As ED sufferers We are so hard on ourselves It's time we have ourselves a breakAnd look to the positives in our livesWeight has absolutely no correlation to happiness If it did Then I would have been deliriously happy at my lowest weight I wasn't Happiness is not a numberIt's a state of mind