USA Today reports that U.S. stocks are plunging on fears that the U.S. Federal Reserve will stop buying bonds to help the economy, on the belief that the U.S. economy is improving.
Got that? Economy improving = bad!
3 Things That May Be Worse For The U.S. Economy Than A Good U.S. Economy
1. Rather than let Wall Street institutions seemingly randomly decide when there is a bull market and when there is a bear market, let the animals decide! Bulls running down Wall Street like Pamplona, Spain = Bull Market. Bears running down the street like the bonus level in the 1980s Sega Video Game Carnival = bear market!
2. Everyone shopping at Forever 21 becomes aged 21 for eternity, just like a Hollywood movie plot. Only now all these permanent 21-year-olds have to move back in with their 21-year-old parents because none of them have jobs!
3. The Federal Reserve predicting the U.S. economy is improving, but being wrong, forcing them to buy more bonds, which is what news reporters thought everyone wanted anyway. Oh, we forgot to mention, in this hypothetical worse scenario, they bet all of the bonds they bought on one game of roulette at Caesar’s Las Vegas, because they also thought if anyone knows about building an economy that will be strong forever it was Julius Caesar. Does this scenario seem completely unlikely? Yes, because it is… but do you have a better funny explanation of what’s happening today? Post it below!
